Category: dating in your thirties


In The Throes Of Dating Fatigue

April 8th, 2011 — 4:43pm

It’s no secret that being single and searching often feels like a job — a job that, like any other, demands more than you want it to at times. As I continue my journey of being unattached and thirtysomething, I find my desire to be done with the singles merry go round inducing a serious case of dating fatigue.

Partnered up people and self-help books are fond of saying that dating is about the journey, not the destination. But what happens when you feel like you’ve taken the same trip over and over again and just want a change of scenery?

Two good friends of mine are embarking on new horizons in their singledom, making their first forays into online dating and speed dating respectively. Being a longtime believer in putting yourself out there, I’m excited for them. But for me, both avenues now provoke a been-there-done-that response. I’m simply over the entire process.

On the bright side, New York is a place where even dating fatigue can’t slow you down for too long. This Saturday, I’m off to try a singles Meetup.com group for the first time. You never know, right?

3 comments » | dating fatigue, dating in your thirties

London: Day Three Part Two

September 3rd, 2010 — 1:22pm

Last Thursday, I met up with London single gal N, 33, at All Bar One in Holburn.

Single Gals On The Town: N and me at All Bar One

Like other local bachelorettes, N told me casual dating is something of an anomaly in London.

“It’s not like Sex And The City with regards to multiple dating and having a different guy every night of the week,” she said. “Here, if you meet someone and you like them and there’s a connection, you keep dating them.”

Another difference — London guys, unlike their New York counterparts, won’t stop you on the street to give you a compliment.

“You don’t tend to meet a guy in everyday situations here,” N said.

N raved about popular British dating expert Matthew Hussey’s Get The Guy seminar. Hussey asks the question of why women have stopped selecting men, citing the example of eras gone by when ladies would drop their handkerchief and make men think they made the first move.

N admits she’s never been in love or had a long-term relationship, and that she’s only now ready for that to happen. She also realizes being proactive is a big part of being single.

“Why do we put more effort into finding a job or finding a home?” she mused. “Because we think it’s going to be like a romantic comedy where you’re just going to bump into him. But it’s not like that in real life.”

N is discovering there’s a lot to be said for dating outside of your comfort zone. After years of going out with younger guys, she recently connected with a 40-year-old bachelor online. They’ve been out half a dozen times.

“I’m gobsmacked,” she said with a smile.

I can’t wait to hear how this romance develops.

Coming up…girls night out in Paris with an American expat blogger and dates with two French bachelors!

2 comments » | dating in your thirties, London, online dating, Sex and The City, The European Dating Blitz

London: Days Two And Three

September 2nd, 2010 — 11:21am

Last Wednesday, I met up for dinner with Steve, my best friend in London.

BFF: Steve and me at London's Cinnamon Club restaurant

Over a delightful meal at the Cinnamon Club, a modern Indian bistro tucked away in the Old Westminster Library, Steve and I fell into the easy conversation that has defined our friendship for 17 years now. He told me about his paid sabbatical from PR and how he knew his partner of 8 years was the one. I filled him in on my recent adventures in Dublin and soul searching about what to do professionally post-blitz.

Steve mentioned that many of his co-workers are expats from the US and elsewhere, and how a high percentage of them found love abroad. Steve’s theory is that, when you’re not in the comfort zone of home, you tend to put yourself out there a lot more, making it easier to find love.

We talked a lot about the search for lasting love. As Steve accurately summarized what went wrong with some of my major exes, I smiled, appreciating that he’s known me long and well enough to be there through it all. Old friends really are the best.

The next morning, before checking out of the Marriott London Regent’s Park, I enjoyed a complimentary Champagne breakfast for members of the brand’s rewards program. There’s something about starting the day with a mimosa (or box fizz, as it’s called in the UK) that feels deliciously decadent.

Later, I had the pleasure of meeting up for coffee with Aussie expat and single gal Fiona, 34.

Single Gals In London: Fiona and me

Fiona, who’s lived in London for 8 years now, has found the dating scene to be a true melting pot, with men varying by neighborhood from City bankers and beer swigging footballers to more creative types in East London. What most of them have in common — a healthy amount of British reserve.

“British guys take forever to get the point,” she said. “Half the time they’re hoping you’ll launch in and do it for them.”

London men don’t approach women, unless they’re doing it online. Internet dating has become extremely popular in England’s capital, though Fiona says most guys online are either looking for sex or unsure of what they want.

“Everyone’s searching but they don’t know what they’re doing on there,” she said. “Guys won’t return calls and they’ll stand you up.”

Best part of being unattached in London versus Adelaide, her former hometown?

“You don’t feel there’s anything wrong with being a single girl.  London is different from Australia — being single is socially acceptable.”

But, like many other bachelorettes I’ve met on both dating blitzes, Fiona admits to feeling her mentality shift now she’s in her thirties.

“You want to meet somebody, a guy you can engage with and know they’re going to be there for you, that you’re going to grow together.”

Finding that person isn’t easy. Which is why it helps having good friends — old and new — with you along the journey.

1 comment » | dating in your thirties, London, longtime best friends, The European Dating Blitz

A Comforting Brunch

August 3rd, 2010 — 5:09pm

Saturday, I caught up with my friend Sachin at Beach Café on NYC’s Upper East Side.

Beach Cafe: My favorite neighborhood bistro

Over a delicious brunch at the Upper East Side bistro, we had a comforting conversation about the ups and downs of thirty something singlehood and the merits of taking a breather from the 9 to 5 world to travel. We agreed that, down economy be damned, life is too short not to follow your bliss — even if that means embracing the uncertainty of what comes next.

Speaking of uncertainty, Sach says he doesn’t know how to read the European girl he’s been dating. She’s very laidback when it comes to making definite plans — an approach that seems in line with everything I’ve heard about the casual mindset toward dating across the pond.

It’s reassuring to know single gals aren’t the only ones experiencing dating-related frustrations. And to have good friends to commiserate with.

Comment » | Beach Cafe, dating in your thirties, The European Dating Blitz, travel, Upper East Side restaurants

Learning To Go With The Flow

December 6th, 2009 — 5:02pm

For all of the ups and downs that tend to accompany thirtysomething single hood, I’ve recently found myself appreciating one major plus — learning to go with the flow.

It’s a lesson that’s been a long time coming. I’ve always had a knack for overanalyzing every romance du jour, trying to forecast outcomes by looking for fatalistic signs around every corner.

With my thirty-sixth birthday rapidly approaching, though, and another year of dating experience behind me, I feel a welcome shift in attitude settling in. I trust my instincts more and I have renewed faith that, eventually, things do work out the way they’re supposed to.

Maybe there’s something to the idea of being older and wiser — especially when it comes to smoothing out those bumps in the road to happily ever after.

Comment » | dating in your thirties, going with the flow, the power of positive thinking

Learning To Go With The Flow

December 6th, 2009 — 12:02pm

For all of the ups and downs that tend to accompany thirtysomething single hood, I’ve recently found myself appreciating one major plus — learning to go with the flow.

It’s a lesson that’s been a long time coming. I’ve always had a knack for overanalyzing every romance du jour, trying to forecast outcomes by looking for fatalistic signs around every corner.

With my thirty-sixth birthday rapidly approaching, though, and another year of dating experience behind me, I feel a welcome shift in attitude settling in. I trust my instincts more and I have renewed faith that, eventually, things do work out the way they’re supposed to.

Maybe there’s something to the idea of being older and wiser — especially when it comes to smoothing out those bumps in the road to happily ever after.

Comment » | dating in your thirties, going with the flow, the power of positive thinking

Girls Night Out: Uva

August 19th, 2009 — 9:30pm

Last night, I caught up with my good friend Sara at Uva, a charmingly rustic wine bar and restaurant on NYC’s Upper East Side.

Uva: One of the most inviting wine bars on the UES

I could feel myself unwinding as I enjoyed a delicious (and affordable –$13) flight of three white wine varieties. Over a delicious dinner – tuna carpaccio and veal melanzane for me, heavenly prosciutto-filled ravioli with cream sauce for Sara – we talked about workplace politics, our upcoming Labor Day getaway to New Hampshire and friends who are tying the knot this year.

While discussing the latter, we found ourselves musing about complications that seem to throw a wrench into thirtysomething dating, namely the challenge of sustaining that carefree attitude which seems so effortless before crossing the 3-0 threshhold.

After dinner, we put in an appearance at my newlywedded friend Cindy’s farewell-to-the-city soiree. Just back from an African safari honeymoon, Cindy and her hubby are moving to New Jersey on Friday. As she begins this new chapter in her life, I feel a mixture of excitement for her and wistfulness for the days when she was my number one wing woman.

I look forward to visiting Cindy in the burbs – and to the girls nights out yet to come with Sara and my other galpals who are still on the prowl.

Comment » | dating in your thirties, Girls Night Out, Upper East Side, Uva wine bar, when your friends get married

Girls Night Out: Uva

August 19th, 2009 — 4:30pm

Last night, I caught up with my good friend Sara at Uva, a charmingly rustic wine bar and restaurant on NYC’s Upper East Side.

Uva: One of the most inviting wine bars on the UES

I could feel myself unwinding as I enjoyed a delicious (and affordable –$13) flight of three white wine varieties. Over a delicious dinner – tuna carpaccio and veal melanzane for me, heavenly prosciutto-filled ravioli with cream sauce for Sara – we talked about workplace politics, our upcoming Labor Day getaway to New Hampshire and friends who are tying the knot this year.

While discussing the latter, we found ourselves musing about complications that seem to throw a wrench into thirtysomething dating, namely the challenge of sustaining that carefree attitude which seems so effortless before crossing the 3-0 threshhold.

After dinner, we put in an appearance at my newlywedded friend Cindy’s farewell-to-the-city soiree. Just back from an African safari honeymoon, Cindy and her hubby are moving to New Jersey on Friday. As she begins this new chapter in her life, I feel a mixture of excitement for her and wistfulness for the days when she was my number one wing woman.

I look forward to visiting Cindy in the burbs – and to the girls nights out yet to come with Sara and my other galpals who are still on the prowl.

Comment » | dating in your thirties, Girls Night Out, Upper East Side, Uva wine bar, when your friends get married

Saturday Night At Fratelli’s

June 7th, 2009 — 12:44am

Last Saturday, my galpal Lauren and I met up for dinner at Fratelli’s on the Upper East Side.

A relatively new addition to the neighborhood, Fratelli’s serves up tasty Italian fare in a laidback bistro setting. Co-owners and brothers Mark and John, along with their friendly staff, do a great job of making you feel welcome — whether you’re a family with kids that need a distraction (like toys, which the restaurant makes available for borrowing) or two single ladies enjoying a night out.

Over a shared pear salad, two generous glasses of Sauvignon Blanc and delicious pasta (gnocchi in tomato sauce for me), Lauren and I found ourselves musing about thirtysomething singlehood.

Though we’re both happy with the choices we’ve made that have led us to where we are today, neither of us anticipated still being minus a plus one at this age. Or having to deconstruct confounding male behavior — like the guy who regularly texts me sweet nothings yet only suggests last-minute plans. Or the friend of Lauren’s who makes romantic overtures but remains similarly elusive.

There is one upside of such shenanigans — having fabulous girlfriends to laugh about it with.

Coming up…my appearance in an Associated Press story about dating and the recession, and meeting actress Susan Sarandon.

3 comments » | Associated Press, dating in your thirties, Fratelli's, Girls Night Out, mixed signals from men, Upper East Side

Saturday Night At Fratelli’s

June 6th, 2009 — 7:44pm

Last Saturday, my galpal Lauren and I met up for dinner at Fratelli’s on the Upper East Side.

A relatively new addition to the neighborhood, Fratelli’s serves up tasty Italian fare in a laidback bistro setting. Co-owners and brothers Mark and John, along with their friendly staff, do a great job of making you feel welcome — whether you’re a family with kids that need a distraction (like toys, which the restaurant makes available for borrowing) or two single ladies enjoying a night out.

Over a shared pear salad, two generous glasses of Sauvignon Blanc and delicious pasta (gnocchi in tomato sauce for me), Lauren and I found ourselves musing about thirtysomething singlehood.

Though we’re both happy with the choices we’ve made that have led us to where we are today, neither of us anticipated still being minus a plus one at this age. Or having to deconstruct confounding male behavior — like the guy who regularly texts me sweet nothings yet only suggests last-minute plans. Or the friend of Lauren’s who makes romantic overtures but remains similarly elusive.

There is one upside of such shenanigans — having fabulous girlfriends to laugh about it with.

Coming up…my appearance in an Associated Press story about dating and the recession, and meeting actress Susan Sarandon.

3 comments » | Associated Press, dating in your thirties, Fratelli's, Girls Night Out, mixed signals from men, Upper East Side

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