Category: being single in New York


March 12th, 2014 — 9:46pm

When you write about dating and relationships, you feel a special kinship with others who are doing the same – and adding something valuable to the conversation.

As I currently enjoy Melanie Notkin’s fantastic new book Otherhood (full review to come), I have also connected with two other women whose stories are worth sharing.

Michelle Ortega moved to NYC following the end of her 13-year marriage, finding herself single at 40. She found the best tonic for it in talking to other single women. Michelle shares that experience in here new documentary, The Single Ladies of NY, which follows women of different ages looking for love in the Big Apple.

“The greatest comfort I got was through talking to other single women,” she says. “Gaining their wisdom, experiences, being able to laugh off bad dates, lack of dates, and embarrassing situations. I thought younger women would have it easier, but they have their own set of challenges!“

You can see a trailer and help support the film’s fundraising campaign by visiting the film’s .

New Jersey-based matchmaker and singles event host is an inspiring example that there’s no expiration date for finding love.

For the past 7 years, Risa has helped single people meet by offering personalized matchmaking services in addition to hosting 8MinuteDating speed dating and “Dating for a Cause” events.

Four years ago, Risa was hosting an evening of 8 Minute Dating when one of the bachelors in attendance asked her–

“Are you just running this event, or are you single too?”

Upon learning she was indeed single, he asked her out. They’re getting married this month. It’s Risa’s first time walking down the aisle – at the age of 50.

“I’m proof that it’s never too late to find love – and that gives single people of all ages a reason for hope,” she says.

With spring slowly but surely approaching, it’s the perfect time of year for renewed hope when it comes to love and romance. And I’m thankful to the women above for helping all of us single gals out there rediscover that.

| , ,

December 17th, 2013 — 9:13pm

Saturday night, I hosted my sixth annual holiday party — in the midst of this winter’s first big snowfall.

All smiles with my dear friends Crystal (left) and Sara

Given the weather, I wondered whether it might end up being a party of one for the night. Much to my great joy, a dozen friends new and old braved the elements to join me for a delightful,  laid back evening of festive food, drink and lively conversation.

It was a night of reunions. Parisian-based single gal , whom I connected with three years ago during my , happened to be in town.

Lana and me

Fellow dating blogger Rachel came with three friends. And gym buddies Ayesha and Sheryl, with whom I used to take classes, were part of the mix too.

Amidst the laughter and talk about only in New York moments, we eventually got onto the topic of being single here. Rachel’s friends Sam and Dan admitted the dating fatigue that often sets in and I was reminded of something it’s easy to forget—women aren’t the only ones navigating the ups and downs in this unpredictable, often exasperating landscape of the unattached.

Another comforting reminder—you never know when you’re going to connect with kindred spirits. And isn’t that part of what the holiday season is all about?

| , , ,

August 4th, 2012 — 9:10pm

Last Saturday, my weekend at continued with a delightful breakfast outside, overlooking the grounds.

The view from our table at breakfast

Food is included here and there’s plenty of it – made to order egg and crepe stations, an array of baked goods, fresh fruit, etc. Of course, having a hearty meal makes sense given the variety of opportunities to burn it off. Bobbi went off to do tennis while I opted for the valley zip line. Not quite as exciting as my previous stints doing it in Belize and Costa Rica but still great fun – especially with England-born staffer Tim manning the ropes.

Gearing up for the zip line with an assist from charming Club Getaway staffer Tim

He had us laughing with his typically dry British wit, acknowledging that not all UK celeb exports have been winners.

“Russell Brand, eek. Sorry about that,” he quipped.

Next, I strolled over to the lake to do some kayaking before joining everyone in the tent for lunch. As I mentioned, Club Getaway doesn’t scrimp on food — the massive spread included multiple salads and breads, hot and cold pasta, pizza, quesadillas, sweet potato fries and a selection of mouthwatering pies and cakes (Bailey’s cheesecake, yuuuum). Not a bad deal for the two-night package price of $450.

Bobbi and me during the downpour

Though an afternoon downpour limited activity options, it didn’t dampen the fun — which included a laidback wine tasting, group salsa class and hula hoop lesson. Thankfully, the rain subsided long enough for a pontoon boat ride (cocktail included) and evening festivities: energetic cover band Radio Riot, staffers performing stunts with fire and an end of the world themed party complete with spooky decorations and choreographed, costumed dancers.

Partying with cover band Radio Riot

The night ended with smores and a campfire, during which Bobbi and I talked to Stony Brook- based doc Mark about how texting has impacted dating. Though he shared our frustrations that it’s replaced talking on the phone — he admitted he rarely calls because he’s reluctant to leave voicemail.

Sunday, we took advantage of a break in the weather to go for a swim in the lake, getting in touch with our inner child as we bounced on a water trampoline and had a few runs down an inflatable slide.

While we were drying off, I overheard a handful of guys and girls talking about the ups and down of online dating. I ended up chatting with Dave, a 40-year-old bachelor who recently moved to Boston because he was tired of NYC’s ruthless singles scene. He admitted the pressure he receives from family to settle down – and that it’s not for lack of trying to meet someone on his part.

As he spoke with pride but humility about being a decent guy with a good job and sense of chivalry, I was struck by something that is very easy to forget – women aren’t the only ones having a hard time with dating. When I asked Dave what he attributes the New York-specific challenges to, his response was a familiar one—

“Everyone’s always looking for someone better. And I have to admit I’ve been guilty of it too at times.”

Striving for more is a way of life here in what is arguably the world’s most iconic city. You can get so caught up in this relentless search you don’t appreciate what’s right in front of you. Sometimes it takes a change of scenery – and being reminded that as singles, we’re all in the trenches together – to see that.

| , ,

April 17th, 2012 — 9:52pm

Friday night, I met up with Nominate A Date bachelor #8 — Westchester attorney Mike, 48. Mike nominated himself after recently stumbling upon my blog.

Mike and I met up at East End Bar & Grill (photo: EastEndBar.com)

As we sat down for drinks and a light bite at East End Bar on the UES, Mike was surprised to discover my day job has nothing to do with blogging.

“I thought being single was your job. I have to ask – is dating a hobby for you?”

“No,” I told him, literally having an a-ha moment about the singles scene in New York. Dating actually is a hobby for a lot of people here, a sport engaged in for its own sake rather than with any specific outcome in mind.

Divorced with two kids, Mike clearly isn’t one of those people. When I asked him if he had ever been married, he seemed surprised by the question.

“Any guy my age who says he’s never been married is either cheating or never will get married.”

I laughed at this refreshingly non-Gotham take on settling down, informing Mike that my experience of upper-40 something guys confirms it. A sharp, no nonsense kind of guy, he didn’t hesitate to reveal some of his own dating horror stories – including a relentlessly monosyllabic woman who refused to make eye contact and a bachelorette who attempted to saddle him with a pricey dinner bill on their first date.

Mike also shared how his experiences working in the military and as a cop helped prepare him to be a lawyer. I found myself thinking of my journey from journalism to PR, and being happily reminded that each chapter really does lead to the next.

When you’re single, it’s easy to feel like that’s not necessarily the case – because you don’t know where the journey is going to take you. But when I look back at the landscape of my love life so far, I see that each experience has shaped me in some way, sharpening who I am and my vision of the partner I hope to find. And in the land of dating for sport, that’s definitely something to smile about.

| , , ,

December 4th, 2011 — 11:06pm

The current issue of Time Out New York features a survey about dating. TONY polled a group of New Yorkers ranging from age 18-43, asking them which is more important – a successful career or a healthy long-term relationship. A whopping 61% said career. As I read that, I couldn’t help thinking how this is a city that seems to discourage making love and romance a priority.

I was also reminded of this when a single colleague of mine recently shared an email exchange she had with a guy she’d met at a party. The guy followed up with her afterward to try and schedule a date. Between pre-Thanksgiving preparations and work and school commitments, she told him she was unavailable for the next two weeks. His response–

“Maybe that’s why you’re 35 and still single.”

Ouch.

Though his words were more than a little harsh, he does have something of a point. When planning a date becomes harder than trying to organize a world peace summit, maybe it’s time for us to look at the roadblocks we inadvertently put in our own way.

As thirtysomething women, the temptation is always there to blame unfavorable odds or the quirks of the opposite sex for our single status – something I myself admit to doing and continuing to do. Yes, the numbers game here in New York is stacked against us and commitment phobic men are par for the course. But that doesn’t absolve us of having to do our part and make an effort.

In our overly scheduled, social media saturated lives, it’s easy to use other demands on our time (especially work, of course) as an excuse for being unattached. The reality, though, is you’re as busy as you choose to be. If you can’t find room in your calendar to schedule a first date without 14-day advance notice, then maybe that means dating just isn’t a priority.

The question becomes, though, when do you make it one?

| , ,

June 2nd, 2010 — 6:40pm

Saturday night, I headed over to Uva wine bar on NYC’s Upper East Side for my good friend and trainer Crystal’s birthday celebration.

Happy Birthday: Crystal and me at Uva

Over a festive dinner (the grilled calamari salad is delish) with a group of about fifteen people, I had the pleasure of chatting with Crystal’s friends and fellow trainers, Alex, Ricky and Brandon — all charming, fun and curious about my recent Great Dating Blitz.

In talking about what I learned from my travels, including that singles outside of New York tend to be more minded toward settling down, we also reflected on the challenges of dating in the Big Apple.

Alex, like many other NYC men I’ve encountered, said he thinks money and status play too big a part in the singles scene here, a sentiment that Ricky echoed. Ricky prefers to not reveal what he does for a living right away.

I couldn’t help thinking that, for better or worse, one of the common price tags of thirtysomething singlehood is the expectation that whomever you date will bring a certain level of financial independence to the table. And it seems like, sometimes, that expectation gets in the way of romance before it even has a chance to start.

| , , , , ,

February 12th, 2010 — 10:39am

As a single gal in New York, I’ve often found myself wondering — how would my love life be different if I was in another city? In search of an answer to that question, I’ve come up with my Grand 2010 Plan, a.k.a. The Great Dating Blitz.

On March 1st, I will embark on an 8-week 8-city dating tour across the U.S. As part of my action-packed itinerary, I will go on a series of dates and interview single gals in each destination.

My travels will take me to Cleveland, Atlanta, Houston, Denver, Portland, Kansas City and L.A. — all places that made Forbes.com’s 2009 list of the . My 8th and final stop will be decided by popular vote (see sidebar link to cast your ballot!).

Friends and family who’ve known about Grand 2010 Plan have asked — where will I find my dates and bachelorettes to interview? I’m hoping you might weigh in here as well with some suggestions.  I can’t wait to hear what you think.

Feel free to spread the news about my big adventure.  The blitz begins in just 17 days!

|

December 22nd, 2009 — 2:20am

Friday night, I hosted a dozen friends at my third annual holiday party.

This year, along with the usual spread of cold hors d’oeuvres, I brought in White Castle sliders and pigs in a blanket. Hot comfort food goes a long way when the mercury drops — even my trainer Crystal was all for the caloric indulgence.

Celebrating The Season: (from left) Cindy, Rachel, me and Jason

Travel was one of the hot topics of conversation. Galpal Cindy and hubby Jason filled me in on their upcoming trip to Costa Rica, while my friend Prince shared his plans to visit Tanzania after the new year. My 2010 travel resolution — see more of the U.S., especially cities with a happening singles scene.

Fellow dating blogger Lost Plum and I talked about mining the past for material during present romantic droughts, and she also told me about the stalker who wants consent to use her likeness in his upcoming book. Only in New York.

Toward the night’s end, pals Andrea, Rachel and I settled in for some kvetching about singlehood in NYC.

As we shared stories and a few laughs, I was reminded of how lucky I am to have such great friends — friends who make the holiday season something to celebrate.

What’s your favorite part of this time of year?

| , , , , ,

December 21st, 2009 — 9:20pm

Friday night, I hosted a dozen friends at my third annual holiday party.

This year, along with the usual spread of cold hors d’oeuvres, I brought in White Castle sliders and pigs in a blanket. Hot comfort food goes a long way when the mercury drops — even my trainer Crystal was all for the caloric indulgence.

Celebrating The Season: (from left) Cindy, Rachel, me and Jason

Travel was one of the hot topics of conversation. Galpal Cindy and hubby Jason filled me in on their upcoming trip to Costa Rica, while my friend Prince shared his plans to visit Tanzania after the new year. My 2010 travel resolution — see more of the U.S., especially cities with a happening singles scene.

Fellow dating blogger Lost Plum and I talked about mining the past for material during present romantic droughts, and she also told me about the stalker who wants consent to use her likeness in his upcoming book. Only in New York.

Toward the night’s end, pals Andrea, Rachel and I settled in for some kvetching about singlehood in NYC.

As we shared stories and a few laughs, I was reminded of how lucky I am to have such great friends — friends who make the holiday season something to celebrate.

What’s your favorite part of this time of year?

| , , , , ,

November 17th, 2009 — 1:51am

Thursday night, I headed over to the swanky Cellar Bar at NYC’s Bryant Park Hotel for a tweetup organized by social media maven and dating blogger .

Cellar Bar: The cavernous, candlelit space is long on ambience and service

Celebrating the launch of new website , the gathering attracted about 35 Twitterers and gave me the opportunity to finally meet in person some of my favorite fellow bloggers. In addition to Simone, I chatted with , and , as well as Yahoo dating columnist and author Andrea Syrtash.

I ended up spending most of the night talking to Peter, a charming IT systems designer with a penchant for helping bloggers revamp their sites in his spare time. Born in Germany and now living in Utah, Peter shared his take on the differences between U.S. and European dating. Dating abroad, he said, is an easy, organic process.

“Here, it’s like a job interview,” he observed.

An especially tough job, no doubt, when you’re residing in Mormon country where most folks marry young. I assured him he’ll find a completely different — and, of course, much more populated — singles scene when he moves here for a three-month stint.

Who knows? Maybe I can help show him the ropes.

| , , , , , , , ,

Back to top