Category: singlehood versus marriage


The Greatest Misconception About Being Single

June 23rd, 2011 — 4:23pm

Last weekend, I went to a birthday party for my cousin’s one year old son. As the only single person in a sea of married kin and their kids, I found myself experiencing the greatest misconception about being unattached.

It happened during a conversation with a married relative who also happens to be a new mom. We hadn’t seen each other in more than a year, so I excitedly filled her in on my two Dating Blitzes and landing a literary agent to represent my book chronicling the experience. Her response?

“Are you seeing anyone?”

The implication, of course, being that my relationship status is what matters more than anything else.

“Are you going out tonight?” she continued.

Assumption number two — that because it’s Saturday and I’m single, I must be heading out on the town.

What irked me about both questions is the underlying presumption that if you’re single, your primary preoccupation is to find a way not to be, that you can’t possibly be living a full, happy life without a significant other.

A good friend of mine made the valid point that, when you blog about your dating life, it inevitably invites questions on the subject. Understood. But I still maintain this line of interrogation is all too common from married or partnered up people — as though they can no longer appreciate what it means to be single and content.

Would I like to meet someone and a start a family? Of course. Do I spend my days dwelling on it or structuring my existence solely to make it happen? Absolutely not. I’m thankful for the many wonderful people and pursuits that enrich my life, for the adventures and opportunities flying solo affords me.

Those who’ve left singlehood behind would do well to remember that.

| being single in your thirties, singlehood versus marriage, singles versus marrieds

The Single Versus Married Divide

November 10th, 2010 — 6:24pm

The other night, tweeted her frustration about a married friend’s insensitivity.

“Love when I STUPIDLY vent to [her] about the challenges of ‘co-parenting’ as a single mom and she says, “Thank God for my Hubby”.” 

Her tweet got me to thinking about the divide between singles and marrieds — and how it starts with a failure to remember where each side is coming from.

While @SingleMamaNYC’s friend clumsily acknowledged the downside of flying solo, many married people perceive singles as leading a fabulous life free of responsibilities. Case in point — the sister of a friend who doesn’t understand why she’s not more available to babysit.

I’ve been on the receiving end of a similar expectation, the assumption clearly being that as singles, we have so much more time on our hands (never mind careers, friends, and other non-marital commitments). Harboring such a one-dimensional view of singles is about as fair as it is to say having a spouse solves all of your problems.

Bottom line, the grass isn’t necessarily greener for someone who doesn’t share your relationship status. Making the most of being single takes hard work and so — from what I hear — does having a successful marriage. My good friend Sherri understands that. Happily married, she always make time for her single friends, volunteering often to be wing woman for a night on the town. Meanwhile, blissful newlywed Heidi regularly sends me suggestions for fun mingling opportunities (karaoke speed dating, here I come!).

We would all do well to follow their example and cross the single-married divide every now and then — with a little more finesse, of course, than @SingleMamaNYC’s friend.

| singlehood versus marriage, singles versus marrieds

Girls Night Out: Astoria

July 23rd, 2009 — 4:06pm

Last Friday, I ventured over to Queens for a girls (plus one) night out at Studio Square, the new beer garden in Astoria.

A cavernous space, Studio Space boasts an indoor bar area adorned with urban murals and an outdoor garden with a stone fire pit and communal, hand-carved tables.

Fun In Astoria: Taking in the scene with (from left) Lauren, Dan, Louise and Leila

Galpals Leila, Louise and Lauren, along with Lauren’s hilarious friend Dan, joined me at SS. We settled ourselves at a center table for an animated conversation about weddings and marriage.

Lauren and Louise told a few cautionary tales about brides who rushed down the aisle only to regret it later.

I shared my optimism about marriage, due in large part to the fact that most of my married friends are actually happy with their respective mates. Dan made the salient point that being single has as much merit as being wedded to another person — especially when you reside in the people playground that is New York.

Along with a few pints, we indulged in SS’s tasty food menu, including burgers, fries and surprisingly good sushi (the eel avocado roll is delish). Even a brief downpour didn’t dampen the fun.

As we made our way back hours later to Manhattan, it occurred to me that I need to do more inter-borough excursions. That’s the thing about New York — you don’t have to travel far to be in a completely different world. And when you’ve got great friends to share it with, the journey’s even sweeter.

| Astoria beer garden, Girls Night Out, singlehood versus marriage, Studio Square

Girls Night Out: Astoria

July 23rd, 2009 — 11:06am

Last Friday, I ventured over to Queens for a girls (plus one) night out at Studio Square, the new beer garden in Astoria.

A cavernous space, Studio Space boasts an indoor bar area adorned with urban murals and an outdoor garden with a stone fire pit and communal, hand-carved tables.

Fun In Astoria: Taking in the scene with (from left) Lauren, Dan, Louise and Leila

Galpals Leila, Louise and Lauren, along with Lauren’s hilarious friend Dan, joined me at SS. We settled ourselves at a center table for an animated conversation about weddings and marriage.

Lauren and Louise told a few cautionary tales about brides who rushed down the aisle only to regret it later.

I shared my optimism about marriage, due in large part to the fact that most of my married friends are actually happy with their respective mates. Dan made the salient point that being single has as much merit as being wedded to another person — especially when you reside in the people playground that is New York.

Along with a few pints, we indulged in SS’s tasty food menu, including burgers, fries and surprisingly good sushi (the eel avocado roll is delish). Even a brief downpour didn’t dampen the fun.

As we made our way back hours later to Manhattan, it occurred to me that I need to do more inter-borough excursions. That’s the thing about New York — you don’t have to travel far to be in a completely different world. And when you’ve got great friends to share it with, the journey’s even sweeter.

| Astoria beer garden, Girls Night Out, singlehood versus marriage, Studio Square

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