Category: relationship drama


July 29th, 2012 — 8:39pm

Even when you know a relationship is doomed, it isn’t easy to call it quits. I was struggling with that very dilemma during my ill-fated romance with British beau .

A milestone anniversary only brought the reality that I wasn’t in love with him into sharper focus. I now Open The Vault and take you back to the spring of 2004…

May 28, 2004

Dear Diary,
Four months ago, Riley and I went out of the first time. Sadly, this occasion only reinforces that the majority of our time together is over.

At midnight, Riley reiterated how happy he is with me—

“I still can’t believe I have such a beautiful woman in my life.”

We reminisced about our first date – which now seems so long ago. If only this could be a happy milestone for me. Instead, the more loving and tender Riley, the greater the guilt that I feel knowing he’s not the one…And it’s not hard to feel like I’m misleading him somehow by going on vacation with him. A friend, though, says cancelling the trip would seem so drastic and probably hurt even more and I think that’s true.

The weekend after we get back, Riley is going to Florida to finalize his green card approval. Somehow, I’m going to try and summon the strength to end things when he gets back. It will only get more difficult after that, because Riley’s supposed to meet the family and go to a wedding with me.

It’s so hard. Riley loves me completely and unconditionally. I wish with all of my heart I felt the same way.

* * *
I’m finally understanding how true it is that to be happy with another person, you must first be happy with yourself – and I’m not. I don’t feel settled in any area of my life other than residentially. I’m only semi employed, I’m out of shape and my organizational abilities need a major overhaul. How can I make a long-term commitment when I have so much work to do on myself?

“You make up for so many things in my life,” Riley once told me – a statement that scared me and from which he later tried to backpedal. I can’t compensate for what’s missing from his world, any more than I can expect him to do that for me.

* * *
May 31st, 2004

I find myself getting more annoyed with Riley’s quirks, and more anxious to be free of agonizing over our relationship. Every time he says something that alludes to the future, or is seeking reassaurance, I remain silent or change the subject. Because I can no longer pretend everything is okay.

* * *
Despite my emotional retreat from Riley a long-awaited trip together left me more confused – and wondering how to say goodbye.

| make or break relationship deadlines, Opening The Vault, , relationship drama

January 17th, 2010 — 4:53pm

Milestone birthdays inevitably find you taking stock of your life — and who’s in it. I found myself doing a lot of reflecting when I crossed the threshhold of 25.

At the time, I was seven months into a relationship with dashing, noble Brit David and five months into coping with my mother’s passing. I now Open The Vault and take you back to January of ‘99…

January 21st, 1999
New York, NY

Dear Diary,

Well, I am officially 25 years old today. More than any other birthday so far, this is the one that’s giving me pause.

Up until now, age has been almost irrelevant in my life. Between dating older men and the 25 years that separated Mom and Dad, I always felt age was more a state of mind than a number. Now, though, I’m suddenly very mindful of it.

The biggest reason for that is losing Mom. But it’s also because this is the first birthday that finds me thinking about my career and having a family someday — and David has a lot to do with that.

Me at 25: Sitting in front of a few of the 300 roses David gave me

He overwhelmed me last night when I came home to 25 dozen roses. Yes, that’s right — 25 DOZEN!! That’s 300 to be exact (well, 298 — 2 didn’t make it, LOL). They’re the same rich array of colors as the 5 dozen D gave me last month. My room looks and smells like a botanical garden.

He’s pretty amazing.

* * *
January 23rd, 1999

I’m up early because of drilling outside. It’s only exacerbating the pounding in my head of frustrating thoughts about David.

I love him — of that I have no uncertainty. He has 85% of what I’ve been looking for in a man. The question is, will the 15% that’s missing eventually drive us apart?

Though we’re compatible in many ways, I can’t deny that I wish we had more ‘deep and meaningful conversations,’ as D puts it. I fear that his seeming inability to give me the kind of dialogue that I need will eventually pull us apart.

Then, there’s the matter of my lingering distractions about Sparky. I was convinced back in November that he posed no threat to David and me. But it scares me that two months later, he still takes up space in my brain.

Distractions disappear when I feel like David and I are really communicating. I just want that to be more of a regular occurrence.

* * *

The ghost of my ex would be the least of my problems with David as our different personalities became an increasingly difficult obstacle to overcome.

| , milestone birthdays, Opening The Vault, relationship drama, turning 25

July 7th, 2009 — 9:30pm

At last month’s Dating Boot Camp event, NYC-based matchmaker Matt Titus talked about the rules of attraction. When a woman makes herself too available to a guy, he warned, it’s “game over.” I couldn’t help thinking of my own experience with that age-old rule of playing hard to get – and wondering if it still applies today.

Is there any value in playing hard to get?

Years ago, during my complicated relationship with California-based beau Mark (a.k.a Sparky), I had a feeling that the built-in tension of our situation had a lot to do with his ardent pursuit of me.

Several months into our long-distance romance, I called him on it. Sparky insisted his only motivation was love. When I asked him a second time why he was so persistent, he gave me a different answer.

“Sometimes, it’s the quest of knowing what you can’t have that makes you so persistent,” he said.

Sparky’s observation made sense. After all, having grown up watching both soap operas and two parents whose enduring love had been preceded by a fiery courtship, I couldn’t help being enticed by the drama too. But is drama a prerequisite for passion? And does playing hard to get have to be a part of it?

Maybe not, says my good friend Heidi. Her new boyfriend recently told her that if they’re still together in a year, they should get married.

“This,” she told me, “is how our relationships should be… easy. I know the whole thing about ‘if it’s not worth fighting for, it’s not worth having,’ but I like this way much, much better.”

I think it’s easier to do without the drama – self-made or otherwise – when it feels like a relationship is progressing naturally over time and, of course, when you’re both on the same page about the direction in which it’s heading.

As for playing it cool, I’ve come to think of it more in terms of taking things slowly. Because when you’re making room for romance in your life, and balancing that with staying true to yourself, why rush it?

| Dating Boot Camp, long-distance relationships, Matt Titus, playing hard to get, relationship drama

July 7th, 2009 — 4:30pm

At last month’s Dating Boot Camp event, NYC-based matchmaker Matt Titus talked about the rules of attraction. When a woman makes herself too available to a guy, he warned, it’s “game over.” I couldn’t help thinking of my own experience with that age-old rule of playing hard to get – and wondering if it still applies today.

Is there any value in playing hard to get?

Years ago, during my complicated relationship with California-based beau Mark (a.k.a Sparky), I had a feeling that the built-in tension of our situation had a lot to do with his ardent pursuit of me.

Several months into our long-distance romance, I called him on it. Sparky insisted his only motivation was love. When I asked him a second time why he was so persistent, he gave me a different answer.

“Sometimes, it’s the quest of knowing what you can’t have that makes you so persistent,” he said.

Sparky’s observation made sense. After all, having grown up watching both soap operas and two parents whose enduring love had been preceded by a fiery courtship, I couldn’t help being enticed by the drama too. But is drama a prerequisite for passion? And does playing hard to get have to be a part of it?

Maybe not, says my good friend Heidi. Her new boyfriend recently told her that if they’re still together in a year, they should get married.

“This,” she told me, “is how our relationships should be… easy. I know the whole thing about ‘if it’s not worth fighting for, it’s not worth having,’ but I like this way much, much better.”

I think it’s easier to do without the drama – self-made or otherwise – when it feels like a relationship is progressing naturally over time and, of course, when you’re both on the same page about the direction in which it’s heading.

As for playing it cool, I’ve come to think of it more in terms of taking things slowly. Because when you’re making room for romance in your life, and balancing that with staying true to yourself, why rush it?

| Dating Boot Camp, long-distance relationships, Matt Titus, playing hard to get, relationship drama

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