An Online Dating Misstep

When it comes to online dating, I’m all for cutting to the chase and cutting down on back and forth communication. Having said that, I think sometimes people are a little too quick to skip the basics — like, for example, actually reading a profile before initiating contact.

I recently received a lengthy message from an OkCupid guy who, in his haste to connect with as many women as possible, chose an unusual approach: a form letter. No personalization, just a five-paragraph missive along the lines of a job seeker who hasn’t taken the time to do his homework. Here’s an excerpt:

“Hi, my name is [A], I’m almost 35 and live in Northern NJ about 45 mins from Lincoln Tunnel, GW Bridge and Holland Tunnel… I am single, never married, never engaged, and no children, last relationship was a few years ago since then I have been focused and busy working on myself and putting my ducks in a row… You know the whole career, then mortgage and finance a house, and then eventually meet the right woman… Please do not think this means that you are the right woman. I just am trying to muddle through the dating scene as an adult. From the pictures I saw there was definitely an initial attraction, and I would love to know more about you. Like what is your name? Do you have any siblings? When was your last relationship? How long have you been using OKCupid?

I prefer quality to quantity, and I’d rather be alone and single then settle and be miserable. I do have to say I would really enjoy getting to know you better, perhaps online messenger, or via cellphone calling or texting. I believe the first step to a good foundation is communication. I believe communication is important with friendships, relationships, even networking. I do text but I prefer to use the phone so I can really get a feel for the person and vice versa. So I will be the first to ask if you would like to talk and get to know each other better. I do understand I may not meet what you are looking for, but you should be open to giving me a chance… Oh and by the way, if you really don’t think I’m your cup of tea, I just ask for a polite email saying Thanks but no thanks…”

Apart from being a bit wordy, there was one problem with this introductory missive — A and I already connected seven months ago. We exchanged emails for weeks, then played phone tag for nearly as long. Though none of this culminated in a date, we communicated enough that it’s a little strange A chose to include me in his mass messaging.

A male friend of mine says, during his online dating days, he used a spreadsheet to keep track of everyone he connected with. After receiving A’s misdirected introductory message, I think he may be onto something.

Category: OKCupid, online dating 4 comments »

4 Responses to “An Online Dating Misstep”

  1. Brainy Pint Sizer

    Where do these men come from? (I’m sure some men are asking the same question of women, but…) If this is what’s out there, then I must thank my lucky stars that “A” is not on my radar. His note seemed very amateurish…I’d almost prefer to receive a note like we used to in middle school than what he sent. Disturbing.

  2. Melissa

    Agreed! I actually responded to his message, suggesting a form letter isn’t the best way to go — and reminding him we had already connected. Middle school notes were infinitely more charming…and at least they were personalized.

  3. Lillian

    Did you see this?
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2131808/David-Merkur-dating-spreadsheet-How-Match-com-online-dater-keeps-track-girlfriends.html

  4. Melissa

    Lillian — I did indeed see this. I think the spreadsheet is a great idea for those who need it…but not something that should be shared LOL!


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