Nominate A Date (Sort of) #7

As I recently mentioned, would be Nominate A Date # 6 went MIA. So, in the adventurous spirit with which I started this journey, I opted to loosen the parameters and go out with Kash, an OkCupid member who nominated himself.

Earlier this week, we met up for drinks on the Upper East Side. Much as he seemed in his profile, Kash was well spoken and thoughtful, happy to share his take on writing, what he enjoys about his day job at a law firm and how he manages to juggle work with finishing up his master’s degree.

At 30, Kash falls within the broad age spectrum (27-47) I’ve been open to for Nominate A Date – which also happens to be beyond my dating comfort zone (38+).  Longtime readers of this blog know I’m a big believer in shaking things up. The older I get though, and the more miles I log in this journey called singlehood, the more I am realizing that there’s nothing wrong with knowing what you want — and what you don’t.

As I listened to Kash talk about his aspirations and newness to the online dating scene, I was reminded of why my dating type skews older than he is — because it usually means having more in common and, for me, more of what it takes to spark a genuine attraction. Though I’ve had some fun flirting with younger guys, I’ve always been most drawn to men who are my chronological peers or older. Being at the same life stage makes romantic chemistry feel grounded in something more substantial. Especially when the connection begins through mutual friends instead of online.

With only a few weeks left of Nominate A Date, I’m appreciating how this process has taken my love life offline and somewhere a lot more fun than cyberspace. Cupid tends to have a much better track record when he’s not confined to a computer.

Category: Nominate A Date, OKCupid, online dating, Upper East Side 2 comments »

2 Responses to “Nominate A Date (Sort of) #7”

  1. Brainy Pint Sizer

    I agree — being in the same life stage helps. I never thought about it until I got out of my 20s. I’m not making the following point to focus on age, but, it was a very real issue to me. At that point I thought: Okay, here I am at 30-something, I’ve been out on my own since my teens, what do I have in common with a 25-year old, who’s really at the beginning of their career, still very much in the bar scene a-la their college days, who may have a roommate, not necessarily their own place, or still, God forbid, be living at home with their parents, when I’ve already been doing X and Y for this many years. You have this idea, male or female, of where you want your life to be at a certain point and there are things that are up for compromise and others that aren’t. When we go out seeking a new job, there’s that question that lurks: Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years (or whatever it is)? If you have it for your career, then surely you have it for your personal life. If you want children and a family within 3-5 years and the person who you’re interested doesn’t or won’t during that time frame (or worse, doesn’t want that at all), then you’re wasting your time. I’ve been out on dates with men in my age group. You would think they have their life together, but at a point over the entree you’re thinking: How fast can I run out of this restaurant? A very real concern: The older you get the harder it is to change. You get set in your ways. Ultimately you have to decide: Am I open to bend a little for the sake of love, partnership and companionship?

  2. Melissa

    It’s so true that we all have an idea of where we want our lives to be by a certain point. An age gap can make it harder to be in sync with someone — though I’ve also experienced the flip side of that too. I’ve dated men 16 years older and am the child of two parents who had a 25 year age difference yet remained completely in love and devoted to each other. I think whatever the age span is, you’re right about the importance of meeting somewhere in the middle — that compromise is important for the sake of a true partnership.

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