A Roadblock To Romance

The current issue of Time Out New York features a survey about dating. TONY polled a group of New Yorkers ranging from age 18-43, asking them which is more important – a successful career or a healthy long-term relationship. A whopping 61% said career. As I read that, I couldn’t help thinking how this is a city that seems to discourage making love and romance a priority.

I was also reminded of this when a single colleague of mine recently shared an email exchange she had with a guy she’d met at a party. The guy followed up with her afterward to try and schedule a date. Between pre-Thanksgiving preparations and work and school commitments, she told him she was unavailable for the next two weeks. His response–

“Maybe that’s why you’re 35 and still single.”


Though his words were more than a little harsh, he does have something of a point. When planning a date becomes harder than trying to organize a world peace summit, maybe it’s time for us to look at the roadblocks we inadvertently put in our own way.

As thirtysomething women, the temptation is always there to blame unfavorable odds or the quirks of the opposite sex for our single status – something I myself admit to doing and continuing to do. Yes, the numbers game here in New York is stacked against us and commitment phobic men are par for the course. But that doesn’t absolve us of having to do our part and make an effort.

In our overly scheduled, social media saturated lives, it’s easy to use other demands on our time (especially work, of course) as an excuse for being unattached. The reality, though, is you’re as busy as you choose to be. If you can’t find room in your calendar to schedule a first date without 14-day advance notice, then maybe that means dating just isn’t a priority.

The question becomes, though, when do you make it one?

Category: being single in New York, being single in your thirties, Time Out New York 3 comments »

3 Responses to “A Roadblock To Romance”

  1. Dana

    Great post Mel! The world is so harsh these days. They say you can “have everything” but the working world makes it so hard to accomplish that. A tough economy makes it even worse because companies continue to do more work with less people. That means long hours and demanding schedules for those who are working. And many of us live in fear that we could lose our jobs or not reach our goals if we don’t make work a priority….

    Having a career can be important but when you are at the end of your days and looking back – what do you see? What do you have personally – a family, love or just your job? It is definitely a difficult balancing act.

    But it doesn’t end after you have met your significant other. Home life with a family requires that same balancing act. It’s hard to make time for everyone and everything. So you might as well start making time for it now – while dating!


  2. Melissa

    This one hit home.

  3. Betty

    Wow. Story of my life and subject of one of my recent conversations. Sometimes it is fun to date, sometimes it’s not. Sometimes I really don’t believe I have time for it all. But if the end is really worth it, then I ought to be able to pencil it into my life. Sorry to every guy I’ve ever inadvertently blown off!

Leave a Reply


Back to top