The current issue of Time Out New York features a survey about dating. TONY polled a group of New Yorkers ranging from age 18-43, asking them which is more important – a successful career or a healthy long-term relationship. A whopping 61% said career. As I read that, I couldn’t help thinking how this is a city that seems to discourage making love and romance a priority.
I was also reminded of this when a single colleague of mine recently shared an email exchange she had with a guy she’d met at a party. The guy followed up with her afterward to try and schedule a date. Between pre-Thanksgiving preparations and work and school commitments, she told him she was unavailable for the next two weeks. His response–
“Maybe that’s why you’re 35 and still single.”
Though his words were more than a little harsh, he does have something of a point. When planning a date becomes harder than trying to organize a world peace summit, maybe it’s time for us to look at the roadblocks we inadvertently put in our own way.
As thirtysomething women, the temptation is always there to blame unfavorable odds or the quirks of the opposite sex for our single status – something I myself admit to doing and continuing to do. Yes, the numbers game here in New York is stacked against us and commitment phobic men are par for the course. But that doesn’t absolve us of having to do our part and make an effort.
In our overly scheduled, social media saturated lives, it’s easy to use other demands on our time (especially work, of course) as an excuse for being unattached. The reality, though, is you’re as busy as you choose to be. If you can’t find room in your calendar to schedule a first date without 14-day advance notice, then maybe that means dating just isn’t a priority.
The question becomes, though, when do you make it one?