Skipping The Small Talk Online

As I slowly come out of my recent dating hiatus, I’ve decided to give online dating world yet another shot. In just a few weeks of being active again on OkCupid, I am noticing an unfortunate trend – the absence of letting chemistry unfold (or not) organically.

More and more, it seems online bachelors are trying to divine within a matter of minutes whether you’re worthy of an offline conversation. At the age of 37, I can certainly appreciate not wanting to waste time. But that doesn’t mean I’m in favor of treating the process of getting to know someone like a bad job interview.

One guy asked for my relationship dealbreakers over the phone, explaining that it was better to find them out before we took the time to meet. Another one took his day job as an attorney a little too far, confusing an instant message chat with a cross examination.

After asking me how big my apartment is and whether I rent or own, he proceeded to list his requirements:

“Educated/professional/intelligent, feminine/girly, maybe a little arty, has sophisticated taste but not ‘alternative,’ physically i like fair skin, thin but not skinny, curvy but not fat, busty. Would you say you fit what I described?”

Call me old fashioned, but whatever happened to making normal small talk during an initial conversation? It’s like online dating has made people so jaded, they don’t want to trust that you can take a person’s profile at face value.

“What are you looking for on Okcupid?” Mr. Attorney persisted.

Already put off by his interrogation-style questions, I took another glance his profile.

As long as there is good music, cute girls and Coronas on hand I’m a happy camper,”  read his opening line.

Between that and his age range of 18-34, my verdict was that we were most definitely not looking for the same thing.

I’m looking forward to tomorrow’s date with Mr. Dealbreaker guy. His jumping ahead question came after 90 delightful minutes of small talk that didn’t involve square footage or mating requirements. If only there could be more of that in the online dating world.

Category: dating dos and don'ts, OKCupid, online dating Comment »

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