Longtime readers of this blog know I’m a speed dating veteran. My affection for it began seven years ago, when I tried it here in NYC for the first time.
Much to my surprise, I connected with several bachelors, including a charming Brit. I now Open The Vault and take you back to February of 2004…
February 10, 2004
New York, NY
So I had mutual matches with seven of the guys I met at HurryDate. I’ve been out with four of them — including handsome Englishman Riley* (*not his real name).
Riley and I have been out three times in less than two weeks and he’s impressed and engaged me like I haven’t been in years. We talked non-stop for five hours on our first two dates. And balanced the conversation with plenty of kissing during our most recent encounter.
Riley is smart, funny, sweet and definitely someone I could envision having a relationship with. And that’s what scares me.
I don’t know if it’s because he’s British, but Riley reminds me of my ex David. He seems to have that same noble character and strength. The other night, he murmured–
“You already mean so much to me.”
Words that touched and terrified me at the same time. I simply cannot emotionally rush into a romance anymore.
* * *
February 14, 2004
Couldn’t let this day end without saying what a perfect day I had with Riley. I came home from work today to find a dozen red roses, card and video greeting. Riley came over and we headed down to the Village to Tea and Sympathy, a charming little British eatery I’ve been wanting to try for years.
As usual, the conversation between us just flowed, and Riley made me laugh with his sparkling wit. Back here, we talked, canoodled and kissed.
Still, I worry that because I’m already doubting Riley is the one, then maybe he isn’t. A good friend of mine says that maybe I have a wall up, a fear of commitment. The funny thing is the subject of marriage and weddings came up today, and it felt very natural. I wasn’t thinking ‘oh this is not applicable here.’ Instead, I was more like, ‘Hmm.’
I’m not getting carried away. It’s only been a few weeks and Riley and I are just beginning to get to know each other. But I already know he’s going to be important in my life.
* * *
My prediction about Riley turned out to be true. What I never expected, though, was how our relationship would reinforce my biggest fear — and having to face it.