After a whirlwind couple of weeks toward the end of 2001, I moved back to New York. About a month later, when I was on my way to Australia, we were reunited in St. Louis. It was at this juncture that Steve and I had hit a rough spot, trying to figure out when and how we could be together again. I now Open The Vault and take you back to the winter of 2002…
New York, NY
February 3, 2002
Today brought some unsettling news from Steve. He said he’ll have to postpone his New York visit from early to mid March (this after pushing it back from the end of February). Why? Because he has to look after his parents’ cat while they’re away.
Call me insensitive, but he keeps saying how much he misses me yet doesn’t do anything to act on it. Broken promises, whether big or small, are not a good way to build trust.
* * *
February 16, 2002
Well, after a glitch from the florist, the most beautiful arrangement of flowers arrived today from Steve, along with a card saying “I love you.” The flowers give me hope, as did Steve’s last email, in which he said–
“I know it’s up to me to do the traveling now.”
* * *
February 26, 2002
Last night, Steve an I had the most wonderful hour-long conversation. He reassured me there are no hidden reason behind him not coming to visit me.
“I’ve been thinking about you so much, it’s distracting me at work!”
I admitted my insecurities have flared up because he can’t commit to coming to New York. It felt so great to clear the air. We reminisced about what we’ve shared — and talked about what we’ll do whenever we’re together again.
Our conversation was so great, I found myself thinking about going to see Steve. Because of the frequent flier miles I racked up going to Australia last month, it wouldn’t cost me anything. But then, there’s the hefty price tag if I give in to that impulse — my pride.
* * *
Little did I know I would soon be putting aside my pride — and that an opportunity oceans away would force me to make a decision about my future with Steve.