Opening The Vault: Part Seventy Two

When you’re in a long-distance relationship, navigating the intensity of the highs and lows is a constant battle. I experienced that for a second time during my romance with Southern Illinois native Steve.

After three blissful weeks together in December of 2001, we were reunited a month later. Our second encounter brought the uncertainty of our situation into clearer focus. I now Open The Vault and take you back to the winter of ‘02…

Carbondale, IL
January 11, 2002

Dear Diary,

Well, the chemistry between Steve and I is as intense as it was last month. That’s the good news. The bad news is I’m having doubts about our future together.

First, I have to say that Steve has been wonderful — incredibly romantic and affectionate. After checking into our hotel room, he gallantly carried me over the threshhold.

“I’m sure we’ll still be holding each other like this when we’re 150,” he said.

He’s brought up marriage more than once, and has also asked me for a commitment, which is a far cry from the laissez-faire attitude he seemed to have back in December. I’m crazy about Steve, but as much as I hate to say this, I’m concerned that we’re at different junctures.  He’s finishing up school and trying to get himself settled financially. I’m wrapped up in my career and traveling. Is it right to enjoy him when the future for us seems so murky?

I don’t want to go through the heartache of another long-distance relationship just to find out we’re not meant to be after all. Last night, I started crying as I thought about all of this — and how much I’m going to miss Steve over the next couple of months. Steve tenderly stroked my face, telling me–

“I’ll never leave you. I love you…forever.”

He asked me if missing him was the only thing on my mind. I lied and said yes. What else could I say? That while he’s having visions of matrimony, I see doom and gloom on the horizon?

* * *

I didn’t confide my fears to Steve. Shortly thereafter, though, fate would intervene as a life-changing trip found me going in a completely different direction.

Category: long-distance relationships, Opening The Vault, Southern Illinois Comment »


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