Category: moving out of your hometown


Love Lessons From A Former Serial Monogamist

December 12th, 2010 — 1:59pm

Thursday, I met up with JP, a Twitter follower of mine and Alabama-based thirtysomething married dad of three. JP had read about my Dating Blitz across the US this spring and offered to share his take on finding love.

The Bar Room: JP and I met up at this lively Midtown spot in NYC’s Museum of Modern Art

Over drinks at MoMa, JP admitted he was a moderate serial monogamist before settling down at the age of 28. Once he felt ready for marriage, he was single minded about it.

“I wouldn’t go out with someone because I was looking for the right person and decided they couldn’t be the one,” he said.

If he could go back and talk to his single self, JP says he would tell him to give people a chance and not rush into labeling someone as not a match. He also recommends doing activities without the intent of making a connection — but being always remaining open to it happening.

We talked a lot about first dates. I mentioned my disdain for “what do you do?” being the default go-to question. JP suggests asking something unexpected instead. For example–

“If you could do anything you want for a living that’s the complete opposite of what you do now, what would it be?”

Now 36, JP has learned how important communication and true partnership are to making a marriage work. As a lawyer, he says it would be easy for him to go into cross-examination mode during an argument — but he doesn’t because a committed relationship deserves better than that. It also requires being giving up a certain amount of independence for the sake of building something together.

Along with sharing his insights about love, JP told me that most of his friends are married — happily so. I couldn’t help thinking about something which came up time and again on my Dating Blitz journey, that people outside of New York are generally wired to leave singlehood behind much sooner than they do here. Which is one big reason why 2011 could be the year I leave Gotham behind for somewhere else.

1 comment » | Midtown NYC, moving out of your hometown, The Great Dating Blitz, Twitter

By The Numbers: Long Distance Edition

April 4th, 2009 — 2:47pm

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve run into two old friends who have managed to finding lasting love in a bicoastal relationship. As I listened to their stories, I couldn’t help thinking about the role that geography has played in my own romantic fate.

I’ve written often about my California-based long distance love Mark (a.k.a Sparky). But there have been many other times that I’ve felt the impact of geography — an occupational hazard, no doubt, of having moved away from New York about half a dozen times. Here are some of the more memorable zip code-related benchmarks in my love life — By The Numbers:

Number of major romances that began in one state two weeks before I moved to another: 1
Number of unexpected flings abroad (with the potential for more) that occurred within days of returning to the US: 3
Number of Toronto high school crushes who didn’t make a move on me until after I moved back to New York: 1
Number of New York boyfriends who resided about an hour away: 2
Number of New York-based beaus that I met on a cruise to the Caribbean: 1

My shipboard romance with Yonkers native Jimmy had both of us appreciating the intervention of serendipity. It turned out we were both on Match.com at the time. Jimmy and I agreed we would never have found each other online because neither of us were willing to explore people in one another’s zip codes.

That our paths even crossed was a reminder that sometimes, for as much as it can be a foe in affairs of the heart, geography has the magic touch.

Comment » | By The Numbers, Caribbean cruises, long-distance relationships, Match.com, moving out of your hometown, New York

By The Numbers: Long Distance Edition

April 4th, 2009 — 9:47am

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve run into two old friends who have managed to finding lasting love in a bicoastal relationship. As I listened to their stories, I couldn’t help thinking about the role that geography has played in my own romantic fate.

I’ve written often about my California-based long distance love Mark (a.k.a Sparky). But there have been many other times that I’ve felt the impact of geography — an occupational hazard, no doubt, of having moved away from New York about half a dozen times. Here are some of the more memorable zip code-related benchmarks in my love life — By The Numbers:

Number of major romances that began in one state two weeks before I moved to another: 1
Number of unexpected flings abroad (with the potential for more) that occurred within days of returning to the US: 3
Number of Toronto high school crushes who didn’t make a move on me until after I moved back to New York: 1
Number of New York boyfriends who resided about an hour away: 2
Number of New York-based beaus that I met on a cruise to the Caribbean: 1

My shipboard romance with Yonkers native Jimmy had both of us appreciating the intervention of serendipity. It turned out we were both on Match.com at the time. Jimmy and I agreed we would never have found each other online because neither of us were willing to explore people in one another’s zip codes.

That our paths even crossed was a reminder that sometimes, for as much as it can be a foe in affairs of the heart, geography has the magic touch.

Comment » | By The Numbers, Caribbean cruises, long-distance relationships, Match.com, moving out of your hometown, New York

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