Now matter how much experience you have (or like to think you have) with dating, sometimes you need a little expert advice. The other day, I turned to the twitterverse for their take on a bachelor’s pre-date actions.
Said bachelor — we’ll call him Mr. Shadowy — and I had gone out a few times a few months ago. Both were drinks-only dates, both ended with kisses goodnight. Mr. Shadowy travels often for business and texted twice from his recent travels. After about a month of radio silence, he unexpectedly resurfaced on Friday with a text message inviting me to drinks and/or a movie.
“We should catch up!!” he exclaimed.
My initial thought was to say no thanks given the lengthy absence of any communication. But, as part of my ongoing attempt to be less jaded and more open minded, I figured, why not? We left it that Mr. Shadowy would call to confirm time and place for date #3 on Monday.
Sure enough, he did get in touch — on Monday via text, at 6:15pm, to suggest drinks. Call me high maintenance, but I think it’s a little inconsiderate to wait until this late in the day to confirm, and then not really have come up with anything concrete in the way of plans. My gut was telling me that Mr. Shadowy was making me his back up plan and/or didn’t care enough to put any thought whatsoever into our date. Either way, I was inclined to cancel. First, though, I decided to do a little informal poll on Twitter.
“Unless they’re KILLER plans (i.e. great seats to Book of Mormon thanks to a lottery),” said relationships guru @DatingRev. “It’s a major fail.”
Added dating coach @RachelTRusso—
“More likely to stay married to his/her career than to you!! I’d just say no and reschedule or scratch it!”
Several tweeps confirmed my suspicions that Mr. Shadowy was either waiting for something (or someone) better to come along, and more than a few said this is standard male behavior.
“Annoying, but happens all the time,” said @SingleGirlie. “Think it’s a guy thing.”
Now married, @DatingRev wasn’t letting his gender off the hook so easily.
“It’s a boy thing – not a man thing. I planned 3-5 days in advance, and confirmed the plans 1-2 days before.”
I couldn’t agree with him more. I’ve been lucky that almost all of the men I’ve ever dated, casual or otherwise, were respectful enough to make and confirm plans much further in advance than two hours before. Which is why, once my gut check was confirmed, I happily told Mr. Shadowy – via text, of course — date #3 was off.