Category: ex boyfriends


An Event-ful Week

May 5th, 2013 — 8:38pm

This has been a particularly action-packed week — with four work-related events, two of which I had a large part in planning. It culminated in yesterday’s Bridal Bash, an occasion that represented the intersection of business and pleasure which is very much a part of my job.

Westin ladies decked out for the bash: (from left) Jhana, Donna, Jenn and me

Westin ladies decked out for the bash: (from left) Jhana, Donna, Jenn and me

To celebrate the opening of our new ballroom, my Westin New York Grand Central colleagues and I came up with a fun idea – inviting women to wear their wedding or bridesmaid dresses again while joining us for an afternoon of cocktails and giveaways. Among those in attendance were a handful of my girlfriends who came to support me and reminded me how lucky I am to have them in my life.

Among my favorite moments: the overcome-with-joy reaction of a prizewinning woman who made me feel a little like Oprah must when she’s giving away something big…Working with a nice WPIX/Channel 11 camera guy to get a sound bite from one of our guests. It was a fun throwback to my TV reporter days, and another example of how I’ve finally landed in a gig where I feel like everything I did before was in preparation for it.

After Bridal Bash ended, my good friend Bobbi and I decided to take advantage of the Kentucky Derby-Cinco de Mayo celebrations going on. Our first stop was Stone Rose Lounge for drinks and light bites. Then, we walked over to the trendy Hudson Hotel.

The hotel’s outdoor fiesta was for ticketed guests only, so we parked ourselves in a corner of the bar for some lively conversation about work and dating. We talked about discovering ex-boyfriends are married, the increasing appeal of non-New York men and viewing past relationships with hindsight.

“Do have you any regrets?” Bobbi asked, about the guys I’ve walked away from over the years.

I actually don’t. Though there are romantic situations I could have handled better, sparing myself and another person a lot of needless heartache, I know I did the best I could at the time. And that I am stronger and, I like to think, wiser for having gone through all of those ill-fated loves. I learned from every single one of them. I’m a better woman for it all, knowing that when I meet the right person, I’ll be truly ready for him.

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Comment » | dating, ex boyfriends, Girls Night Out, Westin New York Grand Central, work-related events

Opening The Vault: Part Fifty Five

November 15th, 2009 — 3:59pm


When you find out an ex is getting married, it’s always a shock — especially if you’ve harbored hope for reconciliation. The shock was never greater than it was with California-based old flame Mark (a.k.a Sparky).

Since we had kept in close touch and seen each other several times after breaking up, it was the last thing I expected to hear. I now Open The Vault and take you back to February of ‘98…

February 27th, 1998 — Bangor, Maine

Dear Diary,

During our phone conversation the other day, Mark said that telling me about his marriage was hard because we haven’t been just friends over the last couple of years.

“I know,” I answered.

“You’re moving on with your life,” he said — as I stared out the window feeling like that is not at all what I’ve done. But, he added, his new wife Caroline knows about our history together. And he said the last thing I would ever have expected to hear after what he’d already told me.

“I still care about you…I love you.”

“I love you too,” I said, for what was undoubtedly the last time.

Somehow, we managed to laugh a little. I told Mark the only reason I’d called was because it was my turn to do so, reminding him that even after all of this time, I’m still keeping score.

As our conversation drew to a close, Sparky and I talked about staying in touch. I told him that just because he’s married it doesn’t mean I don’t care about him. He assured me he would keep me posted on his health and even gave me his new email address.

“So, you’ll email me today?” he asked.

“Maybe…if I know it will garner a response,” I replied.

“It will,” he said firmly.

After telling me to take care, he said goodbye — and I started crying.

You see, I was so certain that there was a reason behind Sparky and I remaining in touch over the years. Like our sporadic reunions were part of a grand design to eventually restore our romance to its initial glory. That we would at least get the chance to be what a distance of 3,000 miles never allowed us to — a normal couple.

I’ve spent two and a half years holding onto that dream. Letting go of it is like losing a part of myself — a very big part.

* * *

As I adjusted to the new reality between me and Sparky, eventually a new love found its way into my life. Fate being what it is, though, Sparky and I would be thrown together again — at what would be the most vulnerable time ever of my life.

Comment » | ex boyfriends, long-distance relationships, Opening The Vault, when an ex gets married

Opening The Vault: Part Fifty Two

October 3rd, 2009 — 3:07pm

When you still have feelings for each other, remaining friends with an ex can be tricky — as I discovered time and again with California native Mark (a.k.a. Sparky).

Nearly two years after we broke up in 1995, I was crushed when a dinner encounter in NYC failed to produce those three little words from him. Oddly, I’d grown accustomed to hearing it in our post-breakup relationship. I soon found out the reason Sparky was tight lipped. I now Open The Vault and take you back to the spring of ‘97.…

April 4th, 1997
New York, NY

Dear Diary,

Sparky called me today. I knew he’d eventually call, but didn’t expect to hear his voice at work this afternoon. I could feel my heart beating rapidly and the effort it took not to be tongue tied.

1 State Street Plaza: I was at my desk here at Thomson Financial when Sparky called

As if he’d read my mind, he told me what was going through his Monday night.

“I didn’t want to get too crazy,” he said.

“Meaning what?” I asked, wanting him to spell it out.

“I didn’t want to make it any harder than it had to be since I knew my visit was going to be short,” he said.

I told him I was surprised he’d been in such a hurry to leave, and wondered if it was because of me. Sparky insisted he was tired from his journey — and that he’d held back because “there’s a lot of etiquette” to our relationship.

“I didn’t want to degrade what we have,” he said firmly.

Sparky admitted that he thought about asking me to come back with him to his hotel.

“It wasn’t that I didn’t want you to,” he told me, to which I responded that I had considered asking him to spend the night.

“I miss you,” I said finally.

“I miss you too,” he said — in that warm tone of voice that indicates he thinks of me often.

It meant so much that he called just to tell me, albeit without those three little words, that his feelings haven’t changed. All my doubts were laid to rest — our love is still alive.

We’ve spent more time being officially split up than we have as a couple and yet, we can’t seem to let go. Is it so wrong to hope that, someday, all of this what if-ing will lead us to a second chance together?

* * *
Though Sparky and I remained connected, we also continued to move forward in our separate lives. An unexpected twist of fate in his life would force us to do what we had been unable to when I first walked away.

Comment » | being friends with an ex, catching up with old flames, ex boyfriends, long-distance relationships, saying I love you

Opening The Vault: Part Fifty One

September 26th, 2009 — 3:10pm

When it comes to breakups, some are truly final while others simply begin a new chapter in your relationship. For long distance love Mark (a.k.a. Sparky) and I, it was a case of the latter.

After our rocky bicoastal romance ended in 1995, Sparky and I continued seeing each other periodically when business brought him to New York. Each time, the powerful chemistry between us would resurface. I now Open The Vault and take you back to March of ‘97…

March 31st, 1997
New York, NY

Dear Diary,

I saw Sparky tonight for what was the briefest encounter we’ve had in the three years we’ve known each other. Amazingly enough, in the space of just a few hours, my feelings for him resurfaced with an intensity that had me in tears just a moment ago.

X Marks The Spot: Sparky and I reunited here at a now-defunct restaurant on 58th Street and First Avenue

After our tumultuous reunion last fall, I felt certain — or as close to being certain as I can ever be about what Sparky and I have (i.e. not very) — that each subsequent encounter would diminish his place in my heart. But it was the exact opposite that happened tonight.

I could feel the deepest emotional parts of me responding to his closeness. We lingered in one another’s arms every time we embraced. And it felt so wonderful, like it always does, when Sparky finally pulled me into a long kiss. Only one thing was missing — those three little words.

It never really occurred to me that that would happen because, no matter what, we’ve always said “I love you” when we’re together. As if, in the middle of our overwhelming differences and impossible situation, that was the one thing I could always count on. Until tonight.

Sparky told me several times how happy he was to see me, and he was the one who initiated most of our hugs. Maybe I’m being unfair, expecting him to pick up where we left off, but he makes me believe that’s possible every time we’re together. He’s the one who reiterates how we’re at the same point in our lives, and how I should remember him in the future.

He didn’t say “I love you,” and yet he seemed truly delighted to be with me again. They say silence speaks volumes and he didn’t mention a word about his live-in girlfriend. Can I assume this means his heart still belongs to me? More importantly, why does that even matter anymore?

* * *

The question of Mark’s feelings would be answered soon after our brief reunion — though it wasn’t enough to ward off a painful revisiting of where we’d gone so horribly wrong in the first place.

3 comments » | catching up with old flames, ex boyfriends, First Avenue, long-distance relationships, saying I love you

Blast From The Past

September 24th, 2009 — 1:46am


When it comes to old flames, I’ve experienced my fair share of those inclined to make unusual requests.

One married ex suggested we go on a double date with his wife and my then-boyfriend. Another insisted I meet his live-in love — the morning after he and I had shared a few passionate kisses. The most unexpected request, though, happened yesterday with E, an old flame from my college days.

E and I were good friends until a disastrous brief fling. In a Facebook email aptly titled “Blast From The Past,” he informed me that he was coming to New York today.

I was more than a little surprised to hear from E given that we hadn’t seen or spoken to each other in more than a decade. And even more surprised about what prompted his email — a need for last-minute accommodations.

“If not you,” he asked, “Do you have any friends I might be able to stay with?”

He tempered this “super-cheeky” request by suggesting we catch up during his short visit. Here, I opted to oblige him.

Coming up…celebrating National Singles Week and, at long last, U2!

2 comments » | being single in New York, catching up with old flames, ex boyfriends, Facebook, National Singles Week, U2

Blast From The Past

September 23rd, 2009 — 8:46pm


When it comes to old flames, I’ve experienced my fair share of those inclined to make unusual requests.

One married ex suggested we go on a double date with his wife and my then-boyfriend. Another insisted I meet his live-in love — the morning after he and I had shared a few passionate kisses. The most unexpected request, though, happened yesterday with E, an old flame from my college days.

E and I were good friends until a disastrous brief fling. In a Facebook email aptly titled “Blast From The Past,” he informed me that he was coming to New York today.

I was more than a little surprised to hear from E given that we hadn’t seen or spoken to each other in more than a decade. And even more surprised about what prompted his email — a need for last-minute accommodations.

“If not you,” he asked, “Do you have any friends I might be able to stay with?”

He tempered this “super-cheeky” request by suggesting we catch up during his short visit. Here, I opted to oblige him.

Coming up…celebrating National Singles Week and, at long last, U2!

2 comments » | being single in New York, catching up with old flames, ex boyfriends, Facebook, National Singles Week, U2

The Inevitable Reprise

September 13th, 2009 — 4:55pm

After you break up with someone, it often happens that — voluntarily or not — your paths end up crossing again.
One of my favorite books, The Heartbreak Handbook, refers to this as the inevitable reprise. I’ve been down that road many times, reconciling with an ex-boyfriend or briefly revisiting the spark that ignited in the first place. When I caught up with a summer fling for drinks this weekend, I couldn’t help thinking about the allure of the old flame — and how fleeting it is.
He said he’s missed me since I broke it off between us three weeks ago. Though the chemistry between us was still there, so were the reasons I chose to walk away. As he spoke of his difficult work schedule and inability to express his feelings, I found myself feeling very grateful that I’m no longer dealing with either anymore.
Like the other exes I’ve reconnected with, my fling reminded me how fortunate I am to still be single and not have settled for less than what I’ve deserve. Closure is a wonderful thing.

3 comments » | catching up with old flames, ex boyfriends, Moving on after a breakup, summer flings, The Heartbreak Handbook

Post-Breakup Etiquette & Moving On

July 27th, 2008 — 9:46pm

Yesterday, I learned that my canine-loving ex Shawn is engaged. I don’t know what surprised me more, the news itself or the fact that I had to hear about it from one of his friends.

Because Shawn is the third ex-boyfriend whose betrothal news I heard secondhand, it seems to me that there is a lack of etiquette when it comes to telling an old flame that you’ve moved on for good.

The question of if/when to divulge this doesn’t apply when you make a clean break and cease all communication post-breakup. For better or worse, though, that has rarely been the case in my relationships. I’ve maintained amicable ties with most of my ex-boyfriends.

As I rationalized it to one of them, the end of a romance doesn’t mean you stop caring about a significant other or what happens to him. The fact that none of the men I’ve dated ever committed any truly egregious acts (lying, cheating, etc.) has made keeping in touch platonically–following the breakup mourning period, of course–somewhat easier. The thing about keeping in touch after a breakup, though, is it deceives you into thinking you’ll be one of the first to know when your ex’s status changes. I now recognize how foolish that assumption was.

A decade ago, Mark, a long-distance love from L.A. who continued calling at least twice a month, suddenly dropped out of sight. When I picked up the phone to find out what was going on, he dropped the bombshell that he‘d gotten married.

“I’m really glad you called,” he said. “I just didn’t know how to tell you. I still care about you…I love you.”

Talk about your mixed messages.

In the same vein, I found out in cyberspace that an old flame (and now good friend) from the Midwest recently tied the knot. I was visiting MySpace.com when the site informed me that he had updated his profile status to married. Like Mark, he was apologetic about how I learned the news, insisting he hadn’t meant for me to find out that way.

Apart from not being told directly, I wondered what was most troubling to me about learning that each ex has found happily ever after. Was it the realization that the possibility of a reconciliation, however improbable or only vaguely considered, no longer exists? The ego bruising of knowing he’s no longer pining away for me? Perhaps it’s a little of both–and the selfish resentment that a former boyfriend has found his soulmate while I’m still searching for mine.

Fortunately, the shock of Shawn’s engagement was tempered by an amusing tidbit — he met his bride-to-be in a dog park. Given that Shawn’s devotion to his two dogs was one of the deal breakers with us, I couldn’t help thinking that everything really does work out the way it’s supposed to in the end.

It’s reassuring to know that, even when it’s unexpected and unceremoniously delivered, closure is always a good thing.

2 comments » | dogs, ex boyfriends, moving on

Post-Breakup Etiquette & Moving On

July 27th, 2008 — 4:46pm

Yesterday, I learned that my canine-loving ex Shawn is engaged. I don’t know what surprised me more, the news itself or the fact that I had to hear about it from one of his friends.

Because Shawn is the third ex-boyfriend whose betrothal news I heard secondhand, it seems to me that there is a lack of etiquette when it comes to telling an old flame that you’ve moved on for good.

The question of if/when to divulge this doesn’t apply when you make a clean break and cease all communication post-breakup. For better or worse, though, that has rarely been the case in my relationships. I’ve maintained amicable ties with most of my ex-boyfriends.

As I rationalized it to one of them, the end of a romance doesn’t mean you stop caring about a significant other or what happens to him. The fact that none of the men I’ve dated ever committed any truly egregious acts (lying, cheating, etc.) has made keeping in touch platonically–following the breakup mourning period, of course–somewhat easier. The thing about keeping in touch after a breakup, though, is it deceives you into thinking you’ll be one of the first to know when your ex’s status changes. I now recognize how foolish that assumption was.

A decade ago, Mark, a long-distance love from L.A. who continued calling at least twice a month, suddenly dropped out of sight. When I picked up the phone to find out what was going on, he dropped the bombshell that he‘d gotten married.

“I’m really glad you called,” he said. “I just didn’t know how to tell you. I still care about you…I love you.”

Talk about your mixed messages.

In the same vein, I found out in cyberspace that an old flame (and now good friend) from the Midwest recently tied the knot. I was visiting MySpace.com when the site informed me that he had updated his profile status to married. Like Mark, he was apologetic about how I learned the news, insisting he hadn’t meant for me to find out that way.

Apart from not being told directly, I wondered what was most troubling to me about learning that each ex has found happily ever after. Was it the realization that the possibility of a reconciliation, however improbable or only vaguely considered, no longer exists? The ego bruising of knowing he’s no longer pining away for me? Perhaps it’s a little of both–and the selfish resentment that a former boyfriend has found his soulmate while I’m still searching for mine.

Fortunately, the shock of Shawn’s engagement was tempered by an amusing tidbit — he met his bride-to-be in a dog park. Given that Shawn’s devotion to his two dogs was one of the deal breakers with us, I couldn’t help thinking that everything really does work out the way it’s supposed to in the end.

It’s reassuring to know that, even when it’s unexpected and unceremoniously delivered, closure is always a good thing.

2 comments » | dogs, ex boyfriends, moving on

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