Category: text messaging


June 22nd, 2014 — 11:17am

I’ve often said that, for all its convenience, texting has become the death of romance. The flip side—it also makes it much easier to detect when someone you’re dating isn’t a good fit.

Two recent dates with two bachelors I met on HowAboutWe illustrated this fact.

After going out twice with , I wasn’t quite sure if the chemistry was there for me. Still, at this stage of dating, I usually give it three dates before making a determination. After all, chemistry can take a little time to develop, right?

So I schedule date #3 with S. When I reach out (yes, via text) day of to confirm, he says he ‘totally forgot’ we had plans and asks to reschedule. I’m not impressed but grudgingly say yes. On the rescheduled day, S initially texts to say we’re on for dinner. Then, a few hours later, he texts again, saying–

“You’re not going to believe this, but I have close out a business event tonight so I have to cancel. L”

I honestly wasn’t sure if I believed him. What I was sure about was that S probably felt my reticence and was accordingly blowing me off.

Bachelor #2, Randy, was very obviously from the get go just looking for uncomplicated fun. The chemistry was definitely there and so was a mutual appreciation for 80s music. Nevertheless, I set some boundaries after date one, declining Randy’s offer to have our second date happen at my place.

After a fun evening of dancing the night away at Pyramid Club in NYC’s East Village, Randy continued texting me. His only invitation to get together, though, came late on a Friday night.

“Wanna watch the Late Show together?”

I declined, later telling him I enjoyed his company but wasn’t interested in a fling.

“Where did you read the words hookup in my text?” he wrote testily “I didn’t say anything and it’s not right to assume anything.”

True. It’s not right to make assumptions, especially with a medium like texting that’s makes miscommunication an all too common thing. Sometimes, though, it communicates incompatibility loud and clear—and, fortunately, very quickly.

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August 4th, 2012 — 9:10pm

Last Saturday, my weekend at continued with a delightful breakfast outside, overlooking the grounds.

The view from our table at breakfast

Food is included here and there’s plenty of it – made to order egg and crepe stations, an array of baked goods, fresh fruit, etc. Of course, having a hearty meal makes sense given the variety of opportunities to burn it off. Bobbi went off to do tennis while I opted for the valley zip line. Not quite as exciting as my previous stints doing it in Belize and Costa Rica but still great fun – especially with England-born staffer Tim manning the ropes.

Gearing up for the zip line with an assist from charming Club Getaway staffer Tim

He had us laughing with his typically dry British wit, acknowledging that not all UK celeb exports have been winners.

“Russell Brand, eek. Sorry about that,” he quipped.

Next, I strolled over to the lake to do some kayaking before joining everyone in the tent for lunch. As I mentioned, Club Getaway doesn’t scrimp on food — the massive spread included multiple salads and breads, hot and cold pasta, pizza, quesadillas, sweet potato fries and a selection of mouthwatering pies and cakes (Bailey’s cheesecake, yuuuum). Not a bad deal for the two-night package price of $450.

Bobbi and me during the downpour

Though an afternoon downpour limited activity options, it didn’t dampen the fun — which included a laidback wine tasting, group salsa class and hula hoop lesson. Thankfully, the rain subsided long enough for a pontoon boat ride (cocktail included) and evening festivities: energetic cover band Radio Riot, staffers performing stunts with fire and an end of the world themed party complete with spooky decorations and choreographed, costumed dancers.

Partying with cover band Radio Riot

The night ended with smores and a campfire, during which Bobbi and I talked to Stony Brook- based doc Mark about how texting has impacted dating. Though he shared our frustrations that it’s replaced talking on the phone — he admitted he rarely calls because he’s reluctant to leave voicemail.

Sunday, we took advantage of a break in the weather to go for a swim in the lake, getting in touch with our inner child as we bounced on a water trampoline and had a few runs down an inflatable slide.

While we were drying off, I overheard a handful of guys and girls talking about the ups and down of online dating. I ended up chatting with Dave, a 40-year-old bachelor who recently moved to Boston because he was tired of NYC’s ruthless singles scene. He admitted the pressure he receives from family to settle down – and that it’s not for lack of trying to meet someone on his part.

As he spoke with pride but humility about being a decent guy with a good job and sense of chivalry, I was struck by something that is very easy to forget – women aren’t the only ones having a hard time with dating. When I asked Dave what he attributes the New York-specific challenges to, his response was a familiar one—

“Everyone’s always looking for someone better. And I have to admit I’ve been guilty of it too at times.”

Striving for more is a way of life here in what is arguably the world’s most iconic city. You can get so caught up in this relentless search you don’t appreciate what’s right in front of you. Sometimes it takes a change of scenery – and being reminded that as singles, we’re all in the trenches together – to see that.

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March 18th, 2012 — 10:36am

It’s no secret that dating sometimes leads to moments of crossed signals and miscommunication. And then, there are those head scratching moments that make you go — huh? That’s exactly what happened after I connected with the guy who was supposed to be Nominate A Date bachelor #6.

A few weeks ago, we chatted on the phone. After lightheartedly poking fun at Nominate A Date, he tells me in an awestruck tone about the biggest surprise he’s encountered since moving to NYC from Florida – how much casual dating goes on here. His online dating inbox, he says, has been flooded with messages.

At one point, he asks me –

“So, are you waiting for someone to give you a glass slipper?”

Much as I admit to having Cinderella-sized hopes for finding love, something about this comment seemed a bit, well, not so Prince Charming-like.

With plans to get together the following weekend, Mr. Florida and I agree to reconnect in a few days. He gets in touch first to postpone our date  because of a charitable commitment. I say ‘no problem’ and that I’ll follow up during the week via text to confirm. I do. Three days later, I receive this response:

“Hi I didn’t mean to blow you off, you seem very nice, but you all seem busy in your life. Manhattan is a busy place and you can easily be caught up in it. I sort of met someone and trying to see where it goes, I don’t serial date as they say.

Since I’ve been here, I’ve noticed a lot of single people and I’ve been asked out numerous times so I’m nothing special. I know I made a promise to you and I’m a sweet and nice guy and I never break my word. So blowing you off is not what I intended to do, I am just so busy as you are and I really don’t give most people the time of day. It’s just that I’m so tired of liars and people that just waste my time with nonsense.

I’ll meet with you at some point, just don’t want you to think I’m rude or anything. It’s just when I spoke to you on the phone it was very brief and then I didn’t hear from you after that for like four days so I figured you may have been interested in others.”

Whew. I was more than a little confounded by this explanation for ‘not’ blowing me off. Was I somehow at fault for not following up sooner after he postponed our date? Did he think I fell into the category of nonsense-peddling liars who he’s clearly had his fill of?

I quickly texted back to say best of luck with his new romance and leave it at that. Which prompted this:

“I am more honest than most and I don’t lie. I apologize for any inappropriate comments. I don’t date multiple people…I’m not in a relationship per say so I’m not off the market.”

Hmm. Sounds like he has a few things to figure out. Then again, I think when it comes to navigating the murky waters of thirtysomething dating, so do most of us.

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May 19th, 2011 — 8:51pm

As a native New Yorker, I’m always happy to be reminded that even here, it really is a small world. So I discovered yesterday during a girls night out in Rockefeller Center.

Joining me was fellow single gal and British expat Antoinette. Antoinette and I connected through a mutual friend, immediately discovering we are both Columbia Journalism alums of the same class and that we worked for a financial newspaper publisher at the same time.

Morrell’s Wine Bar: this cozy bistro in Rock Center has a fabulous menu (photo: NYCGO.com)

Over a delicious dinner and dessert at Morrell’s wine bar — risotto with shrimp, sticky toffee pudding — Antoinette filled me in about her experiences working for one of the top entertainment magazines. My favorite tale — George Clooney proving he’s a real charmer when Antoinette interviewed him at a red carpet event. Swoon.

We also talked about why texting kills romance more often than not, how Europeans have a much better work-life balance and whether a dating hiatus is worth doing (in a word, yes!).

Antoinette’s charm and wit reminded me why I have a soft spot in my heart for the British. There’s a good chance she’ll join me when I round up some friends to do speed dating en masse. Stay tuned…

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May 19th, 2010 — 7:36pm

Last night, Chris and I ventured over to the Upper West Side for drinks at Cava Wine Bar.

Cava Wine Bar: A great selection of wines in a cozy setting

Cava offers rich, low-lit ambiance, with paintings adorning the walls and arched subway tile-inspired ceilings.

Over a few bottles of Syrah and some tasty empanadas, Chris and I caught up with galpals Sara, Tiffany and Sherri and Sherri’s husband Ken.

Along with upcoming travels and the cathartic powers of spring cleaning, our conversation covered unexpected moves on first dates. Sherri said she was taken aback when Ken sat beside instead of across from her — and told her
they were going to get married.

I filled everyone in on the that I first met Chris in Cleveland during my Great Dating Blitz. After we’d said goodnight, I returned to my hotel room with the strongest impulse to call him. Though I loathe texting when it comes to romance, in this instance it seemed more appropriate and less, well, stalkerish.

Just as I reached for my phone, Chris called to say what a great time he’d had. I admitted I was about to text him.

“I hate texting,” he said firmly.

And in that moment, I became even more smitten.

Though, because of geography, we’ve now exchanged more than 200 text messages, most of our communication has been by phone. Long distance or not, I think it’s a more effective way of getting to know someone — and a lot more fun.

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April 28th, 2010 — 12:33am

Wednesday, I enjoyed a much-needed leisurely afternoon of lounging by the pool at the . I also got a taste of the flaky behavior that single women in Miami have to deal with.

Prior to my arrival, I had connected with two guys on Match.com. One of them said he ran a smoothie bar and would love to meet me. I responded with suggested times for me to drop by and never heard from him. The other, nightclub owner MD, emailed me with his photo, and we made a date for lunch on Thursday.

I called MD on Wednesday to confirm our plans. He responded initially with a text message suggesting a vague location off of the highway where should meet. I texted him back and asked for the name of a place and exact address.  He says he’ll text it to me shortly but fails to do so.

Later, MD calls and goes on at great length about what a prominent fixture he is on the nightclub scene. Again, I ask him where exactly we’re meeting. He says he’ll text it to me. Radio silence once more.

Thursday, just two hours before we’re supposed to get together, I receive the following text message:

“I was going to call you shortly. I’m not going to be able to do lunch. But I can do something maybe later…I’ll call or text you when I’m free Beautiful.”

Needless to say, that was that. Just another example of something I’ve said many times over the last couple of months – texting is the death of romance.

A quick editorial note. Single Gal In The City will move to an every other day posting schedule for the next week while I recharge my batteries after the Great Dating Blitz. Thanks to everyone for supporting me on this amazing odyssey. Can’t wait to share the next chapter(s) with you!

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October 30th, 2009 — 11:00pm

Last week, galpals Caroline and Heidi joined me at ’s fabulous Girls Night Out.

Caroline, me and Heidi at Girls Night Out

Held at NYC’s Metropolitan Pavilion, the shopping party featured more than a dozen fashion, beauty and accessory vendors, along with complimentary massages and free hair treatments. Included in the $30 ticket price — five cocktails and a swag bag with girlie products ranging from lingerie tape to anti-humidity hair spritz.

StyleFixx’s first NYC event was a big success

My favorite finds of the night were in the accessories category. I loved Mara Sinderbrand of Mara Made Jewelry’s necklaces crafted from handbag beads. Equally elegant — Martha Almeida of ’s no-pain velvet headbands.

While enjoying our drinks and some tasty samples of Vermont’s Cabot cheese, Caroline, Heidi and I talked about the downsides of high-tech communication. Heidi’s boyfriend bliss had hit a brief snag over a text messaging exchange. I, meanwhile, was still smarting over being deleted as a Facebook friend — by my cousin. Ouch.

The three of us also shared a few laughs after Heidi convinced me to say yes to a stylist offering to flat iron my hair. I nearly flew out of the chair when he said this particular flat iron would set me back a cool $150. For that price, it should come with a hairstylist.

StyleFixx’s next Girls Night Out in NYC is set for spring 2010.

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October 30th, 2009 — 6:00pm

Last week, galpals Caroline and Heidi joined me at ’s fabulous Girls Night Out.

Caroline, me and Heidi at Girls Night Out

Held at NYC’s Metropolitan Pavilion, the shopping party featured more than a dozen fashion, beauty and accessory vendors, along with complimentary massages and free hair treatments. Included in the $30 ticket price — five cocktails and a swag bag with girlie products ranging from lingerie tape to anti-humidity hair spritz.

StyleFixx’s first NYC event was a big success

My favorite finds of the night were in the accessories category. I loved Mara Sinderbrand of Mara Made Jewelry’s necklaces crafted from handbag beads. Equally elegant — Martha Almeida of ’s no-pain velvet headbands.

While enjoying our drinks and some tasty samples of Vermont’s Cabot cheese, Caroline, Heidi and I talked about the downsides of high-tech communication. Heidi’s boyfriend bliss had hit a brief snag over a text messaging exchange. I, meanwhile, was still smarting over being deleted as a Facebook friend — by my cousin. Ouch.

The three of us also shared a few laughs after Heidi convinced me to say yes to a stylist offering to flat iron my hair. I nearly flew out of the chair when he said this particular flat iron would set me back a cool $150. For that price, it should come with a hairstylist.

StyleFixx’s next Girls Night Out in NYC is set for spring 2010.

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October 20th, 2009 — 9:53pm


It’s great when a man takes some initiative about pursuing you. It’s decidedly less appealing, though, when you’re not interested – a fact of which I was reminded recently with two different guys.

First, there was JDate.com member . Prior to our long-delayed second date, I communicated very clearly that I’m not a fan of last-minute plans. After date #2, I received the following text message from him:

“Hey cutie, want to watch a football game tonight at ur place free massage included and btw I’m the best! Xo”

Turned off by his forwardness (not to mention bad grammar), I declined Scott’s invitation. The next day, he followed up with—

“Football tonight? And a spa massage xo”

Equally persistent was the New Jersey resident whom I politely but firmly told by email that I had no romantic feelings for. He said he would like to remain friends, so I invited him to my recent singles party.

He proceeded to suggest (multiple times) that I come to his hometown — 2 hours from NYC — so that we could work out together. At the party, I was happily flirting with another guy when Mr. New Jersey sauntered over. He put his arm around me and exclaimed—

“I think you’re just the bomb!”

Talk about a conversation killer. Though Mr. NJ nixed my opportunity with the other guy, he managed to teach me a valuable lesson – when a guy doesn’t seem to be taking the hint that you’re not into him, leave him off of your guest list.

Coming up…a first date raises a big question and a charitable night out with Whoopi Goldberg.

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October 20th, 2009 — 4:53pm


It’s great when a man takes some initiative about pursuing you. It’s decidedly less appealing, though, when you’re not interested – a fact of which I was reminded recently with two different guys.

First, there was JDate.com member . Prior to our long-delayed second date, I communicated very clearly that I’m not a fan of last-minute plans. After date #2, I received the following text message from him:

“Hey cutie, want to watch a football game tonight at ur place free massage included and btw I’m the best! Xo”

Turned off by his forwardness (not to mention bad grammar), I declined Scott’s invitation. The next day, he followed up with—

“Football tonight? And a spa massage xo”

Equally persistent was the New Jersey resident whom I politely but firmly told by email that I had no romantic feelings for. He said he would like to remain friends, so I invited him to my recent singles party.

He proceeded to suggest (multiple times) that I come to his hometown — 2 hours from NYC — so that we could work out together. At the party, I was happily flirting with another guy when Mr. New Jersey sauntered over. He put his arm around me and exclaimed—

“I think you’re just the bomb!”

Talk about a conversation killer. Though Mr. NJ nixed my opportunity with the other guy, he managed to teach me a valuable lesson – when a guy doesn’t seem to be taking the hint that you’re not into him, leave him off of your guest list.

Coming up…a first date raises a big question and a charitable night out with Whoopi Goldberg.

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