Category: renewing old flames


Embracing The Roller Coaster

October 10th, 2011 — 8:35pm

It’s often said that life is about the journey, not the destination. This weekend, I was reminded that the same can be said about dating – and that ups and downs are par for the (bumpy) course.

Saturday night, after two weeks of scheduling conflicts and phone tag, I finally met up with Connecticut-based bachelor M.

M chose the Beekman Hotel’s glorious Top of The Tower for our date, and made sure we were seated at an outdoor table with stunning city views. He was charming and sweet and the conversation for the most part flowed – except when he asked me one of my least favorite questions:

“What’s your experience been like on OkCupid?”

And so began a litany of his bad experiences, one which found me scratching my head for the umpteenth time over this line of small talk.

Why is it that so many guys want to discuss online dating? Isn’t the whole point of a first date to get to know each other, not compare notes about looking for love in cyberspace? If you met someone at a bar, would you devote 20 minutes to rating your best and worst pickup experiences there? Probably not, and yet for some unfathomable reason, this has been the rule rather than the exception with online bachelors.

That most unromantic line of conversation found me appreciating in a deeper way the more traditional communication I’ve been having with an old flame, Chris. After recently reconnecting (through Facebook, of course) for the first time in 14 years, Chris wrote me a beautiful letter describing what he hopes we might share now – and the places he wants to take me to his hometown. Inside the envelope, he also pressed a leaf as a symbol of the fall colors he’d love for us to take in together.

And just like that, I rediscovered that you never really know what can happen from one day to the next, be it a visit from your past or a new connection. It’s a roller coaster for sure. Here’s to learning again and again how to enjoy the ride.

| dating dos and don'ts, OKCupid, online dating, renewing old flames

Renewing Old Flames

September 8th, 2008 — 9:32pm

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of watching my aunt and uncle celebrate their 25th anniversary by renewing their wedding vows. The ceremony was doubly moving given their history together – teenage sweethearts who married young, divorced after three years, then found their way back to one another.

As I watched them promise to always be there for each other, I couldn’t help thinking about second chances in love, and about some of the old flames that I’ve revisited over the years.

Brooklyn-born financial analyst Larry set a standard that few other suitors have been able to match in terms of both courting and smarts. His dizzying intellect captivated me (and had me consulting a dictionary on more than one occasion despite my background as an English major), while his insistence upon making an event out of every evening we shared took us on a regular tour of NYC’s most romantic restaurants.

It took two breakups—precipitated mostly by a 16-year age difference that found us at different places in our lives—for me to walk away from this teddy bear of a guy. We nevertheless kept in touch, and nearly a decade later, rekindled the sparks between us. Unfortunately, timing was once again our foe, as I was on the rebound from another relationship.

Southern Illinois native Steve and I first crossed paths as I was wrapping up my Midwestern stint as a local TV reporter. The intoxicating chemistry between us led me to change my return flight to New York three times. A true romantic with the soul of a poet, Steve reawakened my heart after a long, lonely year and a half of being alone and trying to come to terms with my mother’s death.

Geography, among other things, got in the way and we called it quits after a few months—until finding our way back to each other the following year. Though part-time paramours is all that fate ultimately had in mind for us, I’m glad we didn’t let that stand in the way of trying again. We remain good friends and Steve is now happily married.

Though reconciling with Larry and Steve didn’t culminate in happily ever after, my aunt and uncle are living proof of the joy that can come from revisiting old flames. After all, love is always worth the gamble.

| May-December romance, renewing old flames, silver anniversary, teenage sweethearts

Renewing Old Flames

September 8th, 2008 — 4:32pm

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of watching my aunt and uncle celebrate their 25th anniversary by renewing their wedding vows. The ceremony was doubly moving given their history together – teenage sweethearts who married young, divorced after three years, then found their way back to one another.

As I watched them promise to always be there for each other, I couldn’t help thinking about second chances in love, and about some of the old flames that I’ve revisited over the years.

Brooklyn-born financial analyst Larry set a standard that few other suitors have been able to match in terms of both courting and smarts. His dizzying intellect captivated me (and had me consulting a dictionary on more than one occasion despite my background as an English major), while his insistence upon making an event out of every evening we shared took us on a regular tour of NYC’s most romantic restaurants.

It took two breakups—precipitated mostly by a 16-year age difference that found us at different places in our lives—for me to walk away from this teddy bear of a guy. We nevertheless kept in touch, and nearly a decade later, rekindled the sparks between us. Unfortunately, timing was once again our foe, as I was on the rebound from another relationship.

Southern Illinois native Steve and I first crossed paths as I was wrapping up my Midwestern stint as a local TV reporter. The intoxicating chemistry between us led me to change my return flight to New York three times. A true romantic with the soul of a poet, Steve reawakened my heart after a long, lonely year and a half of being alone and trying to come to terms with my mother’s death.

Geography, among other things, got in the way and we called it quits after a few months—until finding our way back to each other the following year. Though part-time paramours is all that fate ultimately had in mind for us, I’m glad we didn’t let that stand in the way of trying again. We remain good friends and Steve is now happily married.

Though reconciling with Larry and Steve didn’t culminate in happily ever after, my aunt and uncle are living proof of the joy that can come from revisiting old flames. After all, love is always worth the gamble.

| May-December romance, renewing old flames, silver anniversary, teenage sweethearts

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