I’ve often said that, for all its convenience, texting has become the death of romance. The flip side—it also makes it much easier to detect when someone you’re dating isn’t a good fit.
Two recent dates with two bachelors I met on HowAboutWe illustrated this fact.
After going out twice with S, I wasn’t quite sure if the chemistry was there for me. Still, at this stage of dating, I usually give it three dates before making a determination. After all, chemistry can take a little time to develop, right?
So I schedule date #3 with S. When I reach out (yes, via text) day of to confirm, he says he ‘totally forgot’ we had plans and asks to reschedule. I’m not impressed but grudgingly say yes. On the rescheduled day, S initially texts to say we’re on for dinner. Then, a few hours later, he texts again, saying–
“You’re not going to believe this, but I have close out a business event tonight so I have to cancel. L”
I honestly wasn’t sure if I believed him. What I was sure about was that S probably felt my reticence and was accordingly blowing me off.
Bachelor #2, Randy, was very obviously from the get go just looking for uncomplicated fun. The chemistry was definitely there and so was a mutual appreciation for 80s music. Nevertheless, I set some boundaries after date one, declining Randy’s offer to have our second date happen at my place.
After a fun evening of dancing the night away at Pyramid Club in NYC’s East Village, Randy continued texting me. His only invitation to get together, though, came late on a Friday night.
“Wanna watch the Late Show together?”
I declined, later telling him I enjoyed his company but wasn’t interested in a fling.
“Where did you read the words hookup in my text?” he wrote testily “I didn’t say anything and it’s not right to assume anything.”
True. It’s not right to make assumptions, especially with a medium like texting that’s makes miscommunication an all too common thing. Sometimes, though, it communicates incompatibility loud and clear—and, fortunately, very quickly.