Yesterday, a friend of mine raised the question that pretty much every dating blogger asks herself at some point – is writing about my love life actually keeping me single? It’s a question that’s come up quite a bit lately, since I announced my adventure.
Two bachelor candidates that friends wanted to set me up with balked upon discovering I have a blog. Though I can certainly appreciate and understand being a private person, I can’t help also noticing how different the reaction was from men I met during my Great Dating Blitz. All of the bachelors in the eight cities I visited knew about SingleGalNYC.com and didn’t hesitate to meet with me and be themselves when we went out.
With that openness came an implicit understanding, I think, that I would be respectful in what I wrote — and keep identifying details pretty general so that their privacy would be maintained. Here in New York, where being guarded and suspicious is second nature, even reassurances to keep things anonymous (or even off the blog entirely) isn’t enough for some.
Perhaps the most frustrating recent example – a guy I connected with during the tail end of a girls night out. We clicked immediately.
“It figures I haven’t met anyone I wanted to go home with tonight…until now,” he said flirtatiously.
He gave me his business card, and kissed me on the cheek when he put me in a cab before heading off with friends. When I emailed him to suggest drinks, he responded—
“I sincerely apologize if my European heritage/behavior sent mixed messages, however I am not looking for dating. Believe me, if I were, those piercing blue eyes of yours, charming smile and great stories would have me flinging myself at you. But if my gallant efforts were to be successful that might put ruin to your blogging career… at least in its current incarnation. I would hate to be responsible for you looking for a new URL.”
Now, of course, he might genuinely just not be interested. Call me crazy, though, but his ‘mixed message’ seemed to continue in the above missive – with the underlying one being the blog is what turned him off.
People often say that meeting someone will mean the end of my blogging career. These people aren’t writers. Because, as I told Mr. European, writers always have something to say – it’s simply in our DNA. I know this for sure – I’m about to finish handwritten journal #98.
As for whether having the subject of my blog be singlehood is a deterrent to finding Mr. Right, I’m not so sure about that. For all of the gun-shy guys out there, I’ve also dated some that have had no problem with being part of my little corner of cyberspace. Like adorable PR executive E, who smiled sweetly at my online accounts of our first few dates. Or hunky cop Rich, who not only didn’t mind the blog but gladly brainstormed ideas for future posts.
Bottom line – they both understood that writing is a huge part of who I am. The right guy will too.