Category: Moving On From An Ex


An Old Love Resurfaces

December 28th, 2009 — 11:08pm


As I mentioned a few days ago, California-based ex Mark (a.k.a Sparky) recently posted a comment here for the first time. Our resulting online exchange and phone conversation got me to thinking about closure and how it’s often a lengthy, multi-step process when it comes to a big love.

Sparky and I hadn’t communicated since June, when work led him to cancel a visit to New York — the day before he was due to arrive. The episode confirmed for me that, though we once shared something special, it was well past time to let go.

Still, given our long history, I couldn’t help wondering — Did he regret standing me up last summer? Had he seen what I’ve written about him here on the blog? It turns out the answer to both questions is yes.

Mark apologized profusely for bailing on his scheduled visit, reiterating the remorse he expressed in his comments.

“I think I made the biggest mistake of my life,” he said.

Eventually, we moved onto other, less complicated subjects.

As we filled each other in about career, life, etc., it occurred to me that Mark and I have finally come full circle. After 15 years, we’re where we’re supposed to be — two people who once shared a great love bonded now by friendship.

No matter how long it takes to get there, closure is always worth the wait.

| catching up with old flames, first love, Moving On From An Ex

Post-Breakup Etiquette: Postscript

August 20th, 2008 — 9:48pm

Not too long ago, I blogged about finding out secondhand that an ex-boyfriend is getting married
(http://melissa-singlegalinthecity.blogspot.com/2008/07/post-breakup-etiquette-moving-on.html). Last night, I came home to find an email from my old flame Shawn informing me that he’s engaged.

Given that his wedding is just a few weeks away, and that I had already learned of the nuptials from his best friend, I was surprised to receive Shawn’s missive. I truly appreciated him wanting to tell me directly – though I found it a bit strange that he also directed me to his wedding website. To paraphase Miss Manners, forwarding event details to an uninvited guest is, well, tacky.

That said, I’m willing to give Shawn the benefit of the doubt. Just as I’ve learned there’s no linear route to happily ever after, so have I come to realize that there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to post-breakup communication. I think there are so many minefields along the way to moving on, the occasional misstep is virtually unavoidable.

Shawn and I shared some great times that I’ll always remember fondly. Sadly, we also share something tragic – we both lost each of our beloved parents to cancer. As I continue to find tremendous comfort in family, friends and a city that I adore to distraction, I am genuinely happy that my ex has found his own way of moving forward.

Like I’ve often said, closure is a wonderful thing.

| Moving On From An Ex, Post-Breakup Etiquette

Post-Breakup Etiquette: Postscript

August 20th, 2008 — 4:48pm

Not too long ago, I blogged about finding out secondhand that an ex-boyfriend is getting married
(http://melissa-singlegalinthecity.blogspot.com/2008/07/post-breakup-etiquette-moving-on.html). Last night, I came home to find an email from my old flame Shawn informing me that he’s engaged.

Given that his wedding is just a few weeks away, and that I had already learned of the nuptials from his best friend, I was surprised to receive Shawn’s missive. I truly appreciated him wanting to tell me directly – though I found it a bit strange that he also directed me to his wedding website. To paraphase Miss Manners, forwarding event details to an uninvited guest is, well, tacky.

That said, I’m willing to give Shawn the benefit of the doubt. Just as I’ve learned there’s no linear route to happily ever after, so have I come to realize that there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to post-breakup communication. I think there are so many minefields along the way to moving on, the occasional misstep is virtually unavoidable.

Shawn and I shared some great times that I’ll always remember fondly. Sadly, we also share something tragic – we both lost each of our beloved parents to cancer. As I continue to find tremendous comfort in family, friends and a city that I adore to distraction, I am genuinely happy that my ex has found his own way of moving forward.

Like I’ve often said, closure is a wonderful thing.

| Moving On From An Ex, Post-Breakup Etiquette

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