Category: online dating profiles


A Surprising First Date

December 5th, 2012 — 10:04pm

It’s no secret that online dating has its fair share of surprises. And that most of those surprises are because people aren’t always how they appear in a profile. I was recently reminded of this after connecting with E on OkCupid.

E and I seemed to click in our initial phone conversation, which breezed by for over an hour. During that time, E admitted he actually lives in and is from Long Island — not Manhattan, as his profile states. Knowing the geographic snobbery that is all too common here in NYC, I understood the minor mistruth and thought nothing of it.

Il Bastardo: this popular bistro in Chelsea is perfect for a first date

We met for drinks at Il Bastardo, a cozy Italian bistro in Chelsea with a lounge vibe. When I arrived at the restaurant, he greeted me warmly, making mention of both my dress and my earrings. We easily picked up where we had left off in our phone conversation, talking about our mutual affinity for James Bond and the challenges of dating in your thirties.

It was around this time that E revealed he is actually 44, not 39 as his profile states. A red flag went off — lie #2, I thought to myself suspiciously — but I brushed it off when he talked about age discrimination in the New York dating scene. Having once been a twenty something woman dating upper thirty something guys, I couldn’t argue with his reasoning.

So the easy banter continued, as a second round of drinks led to dinner and we found ourselves sharing relationship war stories. When I mentioned my history of dating older men, E talked about an older woman he was involved with for awhile.

“She told me that when she first met me, she thought I was gay.”

This seemed like an unusual anecdote to share but, once again, I tried not to jump to conclusions. After all, isn’t that we’re often accused of as thirtysomething singles — being too picky, too quick to make snap judgments about the opposite sex?

E briefly excused himself to go to the bathroom. Just before I followed suit, he made a point of telling me it was a unisex facility — and that he was once almost propositioned by two men who disappeared into a stall in there.

Again, red flag alert. Could it be, I wondered, that E was as interested in men as his profile claimed him to be in women? I was, well, befuddled. His words seemed to say one thing yet his actions communicated something else, especially when it came time to say goodnight. E leaned in for a kiss that left little room for questioning.

Date #2, however, was a completely different story.

| Chelsea, first dates, OKCupid, online dating, online dating profiles

Sponsored Post: Chemistry Happens Offline

February 24th, 2012 — 10:54am

One of my biggest pet peeves about online dating is the common practice of dragging out pre-meeting communication. Which is why I love HowAboutWe.com’s new “Chemistry Happens Offline” campaign.

The site just launched a , and a contest inviting people to post video responses to it on HowAboutWe.com’s YouTube page. Unlike other sites, HowAboutWe.com is all about getting to an in-person date as quickly as possible. Members post date activities they want to do and connecting is as simple as finding one you like and clicking “Let’s Go.” I love this approach because it bypasses the tedium of endless back and forth emailing, IM’ing, texting, etc.

I’ve never understood why people — and I think men and women are equally guilty of this – choose to spend so much time communicating online before actually committing to a date. Email isn’t a predictor of chemistry, and yet it seems like many online daters prefer to become cyber pen pals rather cutting to the chase. That’s how I ended up with the following tagline at the end of my profile:

“Guys interested in interminable online communication need not apply.”

Those few words have saved me a lot of time, because the men who contact me tend to quickly suggest either a phone call or meeting in person. Call me crazy, but isn’t that the whole point of going online in the first place?

That you can only discover chemistry offline is something I’ve been happily reminded of since starting my Nominate A Date adventure a few weeks ago. With each bachelor I’ve met so far, I’ve experienced what can only happen when you meet in person – seeing his reaction to something I’ve said, feeling my own response to what he reveals about himself and perhaps the strongest indicator of a growing connection: forgetting all the first dates that have come before and being completely in the moment.

What does “Chemistry Happens Offline” mean to you? Post a video response on HowAboutWe.com’s and you could win $1,500! You can check out my video . More info can be found and be sure to vote for your favorites (hint, hint). And even though Valentine’s Day is over, HowAboutWe.com is offering a 33% discount off any subscription with coupon code .

The contest runs until 12 am on Saturday, March 24th.

| Nominate A Date, online dating, online dating profiles, online flirting

The Mystery of The One Sided Date

February 1st, 2012 — 9:31pm

When it comes to first dates, it’s safe to say the whole point is for two people to get to know each other. Which is why I remain baffled whenever I encounter someone who perceives it more as the chance to have an audience of one.

Over the years, I’ve had a handful of first dates during which the guy pretty much monopolized the entire conversation. There was the once engaged bachelor who, clearly still in heartbreak mode, opted to share chapter and verse about what precipitated the breakup. Or the chatty piano player who barely let me get a word in edgewise, later admitting via email that he tends to talk a lot when he’s nervous. Both completely understandable scenarios – unlike my outing with an OkCupid member the other night.

His profile was so well written and detailed that I didn’t think too much about its copious length. Especially since his introductory email managed to sound flattering yet sincere. When we spoke on the phone, he spent most of our 20-minute chat telling me about his extensive wine expertise. Though this was a major clue into how much he likes to hear his own voice, I opted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he was nervous, I told myself. And, after all, aren’t we thirtysomething women often accused of not giving men a fair chance?

So I meet Mr. Wine Expert for drinks. Not surprisingly, he selects a perfect venue in Midtown — a unique hybrid of wine bar and sports bistro that was comfortably quiet on this particular night. I compliment him on being a connoisseur, to which he replies with an explanation of the word’s true origin and that it doesn’t always have a positive connotation. And then, for the next two hours, he did not stop talking. About the differences between grape varietals, what makes beer Belgian, why he speaks several languages and why he hates being asked what his favorite restaurant is.

I tried a few times to interject, but each time he made sure the conversation reverted squarely back to him. As I sat there, I couldn’t help wondering – would this monologue ever end? And, more importantly, how could I make a fast exit in time to get home and watch the SAG Awards?

The one redeeming part of the evening? I only missed the first 20 minutes of the awards.

| first date, first dates, OKCupid, online dating, online dating profiles

Relearning The Rules of Online Dating

January 2nd, 2012 — 7:31pm

(photo courtesy: DatingHeadshots.com)

With the new year here at last, I’m getting back out into the dating scene. That means going online again — and relearning some of odd rules of dating in cyberspace.

Beware of weird/cutesy profile names: Though not always the case, it’s safe to say that an unusual profile handle often equals an equally unusual person. Among the more colorful guys I’ve heard from — monkey_vs_robot, out_to_late_NYC and easternspice4u.

Being overly familiar isn’t a turn on: even after online dating on and off for years, I’m astounded at how many people don’t know the difference between flirting and creepy come ons. Among the recent opening gambits I’ve received: “Hi Honey” and “You are yummy.” In a word, ewww.

Lengthy emails and chat mean nothing: Many bachelors online seem to favor back and forth communicating that never goes anywhere. Case in point — the fortysomething hotel exec who followed up a five paragraph email and one hour conversation with…zilch.

Disappearing and reappearing require no explanation: In a dating medium designed for short attention spans and shopping around, this is an all too common occurrence. My favorite recent example — the Connecticut bachelor I chatted with who said he would call me back but never did, only to resurface in an email a month later. I invited him to give me a call. “Will do,” he says. He doesn’t then emails me again three months later. “Hi Melissa, long time!” he writes, oddly given that he disappeared twice. 

Speaking of disappearing acts, not all are the same. I’m actually meeting up this week for date number three with a charming, cute OkCupid bachelor — three months after date number two took place.

Here’s to an eventful 2012, on and offline!

| OKCupid, online dating, online dating profiles, online flirting

First Date Déjà Vu All Over Again

March 19th, 2011 — 7:30pm

When you’ve been on enough first dates, you inevitably find yourself feeling a sense of déjà vu during the experience. At no time is that more true than when you meet someone you’ve connected with online.

You’d think that having already seen your date’s profile, you would be able to dispense with some preliminaries and move on to more substantive conversation. What I’m finding increasingly, though, is the opposite. Bachelors online seem stuck in a rut of asking questions they should presumably know the answers to already. For example–

“What kind of music do you like?”

“How do you spend your time when you’re not working?”

“Where do you live?”

All would be perfectly acceptable lines of inquiry if you are connecting somewhere outside of cyberspace. But as I find myself regurgitating details from my online profile more often than not, I can’t help thinking how tedious and unnecessary it is.

I think an online date is kind of like a job interview. You should do your homework ahead of time and know who you’re talking to. Only then do you stand a chance of having the kind of dialogue that doesn’t feel like Groundog Day all over again.

| dating dos and don'ts, first date ettiquette, online dating, online dating profiles

Finding The Humor In Online Profiles

January 26th, 2011 — 5:52pm

When you enter what feels like lap 402 of online dating, you have to have a sense of humor about it. You find yourself appreciating the comedy to be found in some profiles, unintentional or not.

I’m currently on OkCupid, which tends to attract members with far more personality than what you’ll find on competing sites. Probably because of OKC’s fun, easy to answer questionnaire. So easy, in fact, that you have to wonder about people who don’t take the time to fill it out.

Take, for example, the guy whose profile begins with–

“Prove to me you’re worth my time……P.s. I’m not looking for long term online anything…… “

From this winning intro, we move onto his responses to OKC’s questions, or should I say, response. For all five main questions — from ‘what I’m doing with my life’ and ‘I’m really good at’ to ‘favorite books, movies, etc.’ — Mr. Short Term had the same answer.

“Do you really care?”

Um, no, which is why you won’t be hearing from me.

Then there’s the guy whose profile starts off well enough–

“I am honest, loyal, ambitious, independent, financially stable. I work hard and play hard. I enjoy hanging out with friends and family,” he says.

Sounds like a winner. Until, a few questions later, he gets a little too revealing.

“I have a tickle fetish! So, if you’re ticklish and like to tickle/being tickled, I’ll do just about anything…!????”

Mr. Tickler seems more decisive in this respect than he is about what he’s looking for. In his profile, he says he’s looking for new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, activity partners and casual sex. At 45,  he’s still casting an awfully wide net.

Yes, there’s no shortage of laughs to be found in the online dating world. If only the same could be said about viable matches.

| OKCupid, online dating, online dating profiles

SGITC Reader Perk: Dating Headshots Discount

July 12th, 2010 — 7:14pm

It’s no secret that having a great profile photo is key to online dating success. Which is why I’m excited to announce that Dating Headshots is offering Single Gal In The City readers a special discount for using their services.

To access the discount, simply click on the Dating Headshots widget on the right.

Want to experience a fun-filled photo shoot with DH for free? The company is offering their services to one lucky SGITC reader. Email me at SingleGalInTheCity@gmail.com by July 30th for your chance to win.

| online dating, online dating profiles, SGITC, Single Gal In The City

Saying Yes To OkCupid.com

July 6th, 2010 — 6:15pm

Yesterday, I kicked off the week by doing something new online and becoming a member of OkCupid.com.

It’s no surprise that OkCupid is one of the fastest growing dating websites. In addition to being free, the site seems to attract a greater variety of singles with wit and personality than Match.com or JDate.

And instead of standard resume-type profile questions, OkCupid asks you to reveal, for example, the six things you never do without and what people usually notice about you first. I’ve already connected with an adorable writer and a free-spirited Russian who shares my passion for travel.

I’ve also heard from a few OkCupid members who skipped over the part of my profile saying I’m not interested solely in indoor activities. Dominant Writer, whose profile photo is of a knotted rope, talks about being involved in the arts — and BDSM.

“I view the whole sub/dom thing as something done playfully, and with affection. By its nature, it can be sometimes intense, but that doesn’t mean it can’t also be safe and sane. To me, it opens the doors of creativity,” he writes.

Then there’s Strange Sounds. His primary photo is a close up of, well, his nether regions, and his entire profile is decidedly one-dimensional. Some highlights:

I’m really good at: A number of things, most of which are best demonstrated in person.
The six things I could never do without: I have to be honest, I would go mad without some form of daily sexual release.

Talk about TMI.

| JDate.com, Match.com, OKCupid, online dating, online dating profiles

Online Dating: Frogs And Princes

July 30th, 2009 — 4:30pm

As you venture into the world of online dating, you quickly come to discover that it’s populated with colorful characters – many of whom make unusual choices about what to include in their profile.

Back in ’04, my very first online date was with a guy whose profile included undated pictures of him at three very different weights. I’m guessing this was his litmus test for whether size really does matter.

Then there was the “Italian/Cajen electricion” who emailed me to say he was looking for someone he can’t stop thinking of when she’s not around. Less romantic was what he said about his literary habits—

“I like to read the Daily News in the bathroom.”

By far, though, I think my favorite online profile is one that my friend Andrea forwarded to me from a Russian dating site.

Igor, 49, is looking for a girl aged 16-20 to marry. Igor’s profile features photos of him in silk pajamas, a red smoking jacket and a selection of fur coats. And this one:

Igor: Seeking Cinderella online

“The kingdom is expanding,” he writes. “But there’s still no worthy Cinderella…to be transformed into a princess, capable of devotion, faithfulness and love (without an ‘intimate’ past, knowing what’s a maiden’s honor…). DO NOT WRITE: with superiority complex, counting herself the last girl (literal translation: ass) on the planet, any used-up losers, dating market discards, PEOPLE WITH NON-TRADITIONAL ORIENTATION, jealous idiots whose discussions, questions or advice nobody here needs…Don’t offer your body for sale – I am squeamish.”

After reading this, I was a little squeamish myself.

Coming up…a chic party at NYC’s Hudson Terrace and meeting one of the beauty world’s rising stars.

| Hudson Terrace, online dating, online dating profiles

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