The Best And Worst Part Of Dating In NYC

When it comes to being single in New York, the best part is there’s no pressure to settle down. As I’ve discovered time and time again, though, it’s also the worst part.

That double edged sword first sharply came into focus when I went on my Great Dating Blitz three years ago. In many of the cities I visited, the common trajectory was for people to partner up or at least be heading in that direction by the time they hit thirty.

Here, on the other hand, you encounter men who are 45+, never married and boast about the fact that they’re in no hurry to change that. Of course, why should they be?

As New Yorkers, we tend to pride ourselves on living life at a frenetic pace, cramming in as much as possible. This invariably carries over to our dating culture, where quantity seems to trump quality. Romantic chemistry is considered a disposable, easily replaced commodity.

Awhile back, I went out with a guy I met online. The evening was going well — flirty conversation, a post-cocktail smooch. His takeaway?

“You’re great, but I could go home, log on and find someone else great too.”

Indeed. In a city with so many choices, why bother committing to just one?

It’s hard not to let the noncommittal sensibility end up dictating how you approach dating. Except on those all too rare moments when you’re reminded there is a lot to be said for seeking out more than that. Like the fluttering feeling in your stomach that accompanies feeling a genuine spark with someone. Or reminiscing with an old flame about when it really felt like love could conquer all.

For now, never mind love — it’s first date fatigue I need to conquer.

Category: dating in New York, dating in your thirties, The Great Dating Blitz 3 comments »

3 Responses to “The Best And Worst Part Of Dating In NYC”

  1. Ann

    Wow! Just, wow! I can’t believe that guy said that. Sure, he could go home, log on, but he’s not going to find anyone as great as you. Oh well. His loss.

  2. Gail

    Wow, this post is spot on and expresses my current situation with dating in NY!! I live on LI, not the city, but this seems to be an ‘East Coast’ phenomenon or too many choices leads to people not committing towards one person in a serious relationship. I began internet dating in my mid twenties and never expected to be on there up through my thirties.. I’ve certainly dated a lot of guys through the internet but it has led to not many substantial relationships. And yet I don’t know how else to get a date and the temptation is to keep looking because the more you invest in it, the more you want an outcome! The guy you went out with who expressed how easy it is to log online at go out with someone new is exactly the problem!!! One day just because I was curious I logged onto JDate (my main go-to internet site) and looked through the womens’ profiles in my demographics group- there were pages upon pages upon pages of women on the site in NYC! No wonder it is so hard to get attention from the male species on that site, and when you do manage to land a date, the men are picky as hell and refuse to committ! Ugh !
    Sometimes I think it’s better if we went back to pre-internet days. Anyway. I think you’re fabulous Melissa and I definitely empathize with your dating experiences and quest to find true love.. I do believe we will all meet our destined partners in time, and in the meantime, we should support each other in the process!! Thanks for all you do and look forward to reading future posts

  3. Melissa

    Thanks so much Gail! Couldn’t agree more about the simpler, more straightforward times of pre-Internet dating days. It’s hard to keep the faith in finding love but one thing is for sure — this is a journey much better when shared with kindred spirits. Wishing you all the best in your journey as well!


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